Revisiting this from last year, this Easter week, healing continuing, more each day. Written March 31, 2010....
So too, our minds and hearts can use a
de-cluttering. A time to rid our hearts of the disarray that we hold
onto which keeps us unnecessarily in bondage. Allowing ourselves freedom
from the burdens that are too horrible to mention but to a select few
on this earth. Ours are hearts that have these places, like the bases of
my bushes, the burdens and guilt can get stuck there going seemingly
unnoticed. Dull, in the dreary dark we cling instead of letting them go,
completely letting Jesus pay that price for us - for it all, yes, even
what we dare not mention.
So too is life with
these burdens, I've held them all so long. I know them well, I own them,
and I even chose them. Letting myself be forgiven for them? I don't
know for sure what life will look like if I lay them all down at the
foot of the cross. Is Jesus really big enough for all that? He really
did become sin, He who knew no sin, for me. For me, for this! Yes! For this! Yes, my head knows, why will my heart not let it go?
Why will my own heart not forgive?
know that I must let these burdens die with Jesus, there on the cross.
The price. Oh so costly. Paid by the One who didn't deserve it. First
the death, but after the death of autumn and the cold, endless winter, a
celebration of life and resurrection!
I begin pulling out grasses and rearranging the rock border, man the grass roots go on forever.
I follow the root for as far as I can and it seems never to
end. Finally it breaks in my hand and I leave it, knowing in a few more
weeks I'll have to pull it again.
I aknowledge that
though these roots may not seem to end, God's love indeed has no end.
Never. Always there, always pouring it out into my heart. I am the only
one that cuts it off to me, He will always give it. I will have to
accept it. Is it possible to replace these burdens with love? How on
earth can I let myself, my wretched self be loved by God? Even more so,
knowing how much God loves me, how can I not love myself? Not a selfish
love but a love of someone that God made who has a purpose and who is
special. Me. I am special in the eyes of God. I am loved by God. A bud
forming right there, a sign, healing is beginning.
My mind wanders as I make my way down the bed;
suddenly I look at the progress I've made in such a short time. This
chore last year was endless because it hadn't been done the two years
prior. I guess some things get overlooked during pregnancy and with a
small baby. (Just a few!) I remember how demanding this was last year
both physically and time consuming. Grateful, I am amazed with how well
it is going and how much better it begins to look rather quickly.
this commencing of my journey really forgiving, really loving, really
giving it all up, I am encouraged to think that as the years go by,
continually laying all my burdens down the healing will continue. Each
year, each week, each minute that passes means it will become easier and
more wonderful to live life forgiven. Breaking the bondage. Truly
knowing that life is worth the living because of the Son. The Son who
shines his love on even me.