Butterfly Mama

Giddy with Christmas!

2011-12-25T00:17:00.002-07:00

Christmas has found me, I was faithful that it would, but it didn't really feel like it was coming until today.
Regardless of my feelings, I knew that it would come, and it has! For that we....

...REJOICE

...with wonder

...and great joy!

Merriest of Christmas wishes to you!

Summer versus Fall

2011-09-22T22:38:00.001-06:00

Last week our science lesson was on the seasons and for a science experiment, we decided to head out into the neighborhood and look for signs. Teetering on the line, Summer keeps taking one last deep breath. One day soon however, Autumn is bound to be exhaled.

Our Observations:

Signs that Summer is still here:
a butterfly fluttering between us
hot sweaty heads beneath bike helmets
peaches
skinned knees and elbows
wild blackberries
Signs that Fall is coming:
a few leaves beginning to turn red on the neighbor's sugar maple tree
trumpet geese returning
Apples (and the crabby apples)
the bountiful harvest from our garden
cooler mornings

Snippets of Summer Life

This evening while talking with my son as I put him to bed…

Nathan: Mommy remember that nice thing I did for Gabi

Me: Yes, you are a wonderful big brother

N: Well I’m not going to be able to remember it in another week or maybe more because my brain is gonna be all filled up with school!

____ ____ ____

I turn around in the kitchen and ask my handsome husband who just returned home sweaty from the gym to please stop drinking from the water bottle he pulled from the fridge.

“Wow, why? That’s good,” he questions.

“Of course it is!! Its hummingbird food. You know, sugar and water in solution…”

____ ____ ____

Riding in the car Gabi asks, “Do I have a sweet tooth?

Me: Yes, you have a very big sweet tooth sweetie.

G: Where is it?

Me: Why do you want to know?

G: I want to eat it!

____ ____ ____

Summer, you will be missed dearly. Fall, welcome! You promise more of this, more of us and life all open and raw and real.

Living and remembering

2011-09-11T15:29:00.000-06:00

I have cried the ugly cry, more than once today. I waited to be alone to do it. I want my kids to learn about 9/11 but I don't want to be the one to teach it to them. I can't do it without sobbing. I want them to learn with me the names of the heroes of that day. I want to feel healed and not so raw when I think of it. Mostly though, I want there not to be loved ones of 2,977 people whose hearts are ripped right out of their chests every year on this day and on all the other days too.

At lunch today I let the kids eat dessert first, chocolate covered strawberries. My sweet husband, new I would need some sweets over this weekend and he made them for me, after the kids were in bed, so I wouldn't have to share. I did anyway. I can't eat quite a dozen all by myself! Since it is rare to even have dessert at any meal in this house the little lips were thrilled with the two chocolate covered juicy morsels placed before them, and they didn't even have to eat their broccoli first.

Perhaps comfort food isn't the correct answer for healing, but it is a way to cope. Along with convincing my kids to snuggle me more, which is getting harder in direct proportion with how big they are getting. I'm also coping this year is by writing, it has become my outlet these last few years and yet I haven't yet recorded the events of where I was on that fateful day ten years ago.

I was driving in our explorer, it was just after 7am PST, I had just dropped Adam off at work in Mission Valley and was off to drop the doggies at day care, it was to be a long day for both of us. Wondering why the radio was off in the first place, I turned up the volume while hitting a few presets because all I heard was chatter and I wanted some music. I heard something about the World Trade Center, I went back, I couldn't get a clear picture from what I was hearing. Something about a bombing at the WTC, hopefully, I thought they were talking about the previous bombing in 1993. I pulled over and called my Dad.

He was nearly speechless on the other end, I felt like I had to make him talk, "they're gone, they're... just gone." Was all he could say, I could picture him there watching the TV in our family room, but I could not yet imagine what he meant. I wanted to jump on a plane and be there with him, but that would have to wait. "All those people" was all I barely had the breath to whisper, "and the buildings" was his distant response.

I turned around and went back to work with the crazy dogs, I let my husband hug the strength back into my legs. I had to see it. The internet was bogged. Adam went to Costco with a friend and brought a TV back to the office.

I saw it. I still couldn't believe it. I saw it and saw it as we all did and I still couldn't fathom it. I knew people who worked in and around there and are still alive! ALIVE. But weeks later one told me she still hadn't smiled. The buildings are symbols of freedom, the media kept telling me, that's why they picked them to attack, to harm our economy. I couldn't understand, none of us can, even still.

I couldn't see them as just buildings. They were living and breathing, because of the lives that they sheltered and protected day after day. I saw them the way I saw all the other buildings that housed my friends, family, coworkers, school mates and strangers, the buildings were symbols of life. They were a product of human invention and housed the frailness of this human condition, that can come to an end so tragically.

Healing, I've now realized, doesn't mean the pain is gone or even that the tears stop falling, it means living and finding a redemptive kind of hope from what I see in others. People sharing the stories of heroes in planes and buildings and families. In how they keep going on despite the loss, devastation and grief.

Ten years, for such a defining moment in a lifetime is but a blink. Years before, I would get angry at San Diego and Boise news media for not showing enough of the 9/11 coverage. I almost wanted to relive it, each year for fear that the pain would fade into memory. It will not. I will always, clearly remember the sleepless nights, the weeks of silence and tears. The signs in grand central station, even two months later. The candles and pictures on the firehouse, the people. They will always be in my heart.

An inspiring family from my home town shares their story. I can't watch all the stories, this year I just watched this one. I will cry with them and live and play with my family. I will remember, while creating new memories. Maybe before dinner, we'll have dessert first too, because we are alive and grateful to be so.

Waist line

2011-07-24T15:54:00.001-06:00

Hands pruning in luke-warm dishwater, scrubbing a pan from three meals before, I can feel the joy. The squeals from outside by the pool pull my gaze from tomato plants taller than my firstborn to the owners of the squeals.

I see them, splashing and kicking and laughing. I really see. Past the sun streaming through glass jars, the dishwater splashed windows, there is the truth, the wonder and the beauty. Joyous!

Letting go. It is what I needed to do to find joy, stop searching. Joy isn't something that can be put on from the outside, it only can well up from the innermost place. I've been calling this the 'summer of fun' because of the fun we've been having. Really, for me, it's the summer of joy.

We've given up bedtime for riding bikes, chores for crafts, stress for time at the city pool. The spontaneous factor has been kicked up - usually this just kills me, I need a plan - but picnics and drives and playing and memories are well worth it.

I say: yes to playing with playdoh, even though I know the crumbly mess, painting, beads and stair sledding. Yes, I'll drop me and help you make a fort, read a book, do a puzzle, fill the swimming pool.

Halfway done, this sunny, delightful time, I feel like a warm sticky bun just pulled out and smothered in goo. I smile more. Life goes slowly and quickly and it's always good and I can see that.

My goals for these months quickly changed from staying ahead for school in the fall to: crafts, fun, love and grace. Grace is such a little, huge word. It is where I am learning to give what isn't deserved. First, really, I am accepting what I don't. Receiving. Giving. Really the same thing? As soon as I get a glimpse of understanding, it flees. I am grateful for the glimpse.

Not to give the illusion of perfection, there have been more of those extra-tired-over-the-top tantrums around here. Apparently, three year olds need not sleep in after seeing the previous 11pm. They become cranky and dramatic, who knew. *wink*

We are real and hurting and we hurt each other and we heal and forgive and are certainly not perfect. These moments, I see them teaching me a greater love, a greater patience, a greater need for compassion and an unfathomable amount of grace.

I feel myself waist deep in summer, but fully immersed. Different from that awkward feeling of waist high in the swimming pool, squealing, until we just plunge the top half down. Giving all the nerves at the edge of the skin the same sensation, it's all they know now, the pool water, I'm not hesitant any more. It feels ok now to be splashed, I am used to it.

To be here, waist high in summer, yet fully covered in its amazing blessings.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T05:00:00.002-06:00

See What a Morning (by Keith and Kristyn Getty

See, what a morning, gloriously bright,
With the dawning of hope in Jerusalem;
Folded the grave-clothes, tomb filled with light,
As the angels announce, "Christ is risen!"
See God's salvation plan,
Wrought in love, borne in pain, paid in sacrifice,
Fulfilled in Christ, the Man,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

See Mary weeping, "Where is He laid?"
As in sorrow she turns from the empty tomb;
Hears a voice speaking, calling her name;
It's the Master, the Lord raised to life again!
The voice that spans the years,
Speaking life, stirring hope, bringing peace to us,
Will sound till He appears,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

One with the Father, Ancient of Days,
Through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty.
Honor and blessing, glory and praise
To the King crowned with pow'r and authority!
And we are raised with Him,
Death is dead, love has won, Christ has conquered;
And we shall reign with Him,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!


'Easter Eggs Hiding in the Grass" By, the boy

May you find child-like joy today!

Thanks for the dirty!

2011-04-22T21:03:00.000-06:00

Thank God for dirty dishes; They have a tale to tell.
While others may go hungry, We’re eating very well.
With home, health, and happiness, I shouldn’t want to fuss;
By the stack of evidence, God’s been very good to us.
Author Unknown

It's always about perspective for me .

#275. This day and this song

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276. dove cooing on my rooftop
277. kids listening to mysteries
278. "one more chapter, please"
279. holding on tight

280. dirty dishes
281. cruchy apples
282. lazy saturdays
283. flowers on the window sill
284. their beauty between me and last years tomato skeltons

285. the work of the garden
286. buds bulging on branches
287. blossoms emerging
288. growing boy flipping quesadillas
289. voices singing together
290. goose bumps
291. sunny day at the park
292. socks peeled off discarded
293. the sound of flip-flops from the back yard
294. teeth - loose or not

295. kisses on hot foreheads
296. thermometers
297. hot lips kissing my cheek
298. prayers for healing
299. ibuprofen easing the heat
300. eyes releasing to sleep healing
301. little girls skirts
302.dirty laundry
303. closets and drawers
304. realizing that growing bodies are still humbly small
305. husbands offers of help
306. serving one another
307. pile of artwork at the end of the dining room table

Spring Cleaning

2011-04-21T10:25:00.000-06:00

Revisiting this from last year, this Easter week, healing continuing, more each day. Written March 31, 2010....

Most of us know the drill. After a windy, cold, wet winter our flower beds need a bit of a face lift. Crispy dull leaves, thrown around by wintry winds, caught beneath their budding branches, bushes begin to show signs of new life. Tiny green leaves eventually bursting forth in the warm spring sunshine.

So too, our minds and hearts can use a de-cluttering. A time to rid our hearts of the disarray that we hold onto which keeps us unnecessarily in bondage. Allowing ourselves freedom from the burdens that are too horrible to mention but to a select few on this earth. Ours are hearts that have these places, like the bases of my bushes, the burdens and guilt can get stuck there going seemingly unnoticed. Dull, in the dreary dark we cling instead of letting them go, completely letting Jesus pay that price for us - for it all, yes, even what we dare not mention.

As I put on last year’s well worn gloves (they ripped up a fair share of sod a year ago) I note the damage and think about buying a new pair. These are my gloves; my fingers know them, each finger hugged by the worn leather. They are known. They are mine. A new pair, certainly unknown, needed none the less.

So too is life with these burdens, I've held them all so long. I know them well, I own them, and I even chose them. Letting myself be forgiven for them? I don't know for sure what life will look like if I lay them all down at the foot of the cross. Is Jesus really big enough for all that? He really did become sin, He who knew no sin, for me. For me, for this! Yes! For this! Yes, my head knows, why will my heart not let it go? Why will my own heart not forgive?

As I work, filling a box with crisp leaves, the smells bring me back to autumn for a moment. The dying. The death. Appropriate for this Easter week. I turn my face to the sunshine while putting a handful of leaves in the box and a warm smile crosses my face and goes deep into my soul.

I know that I must let these burdens die with Jesus, there on the cross. The price. Oh so costly. Paid by the One who didn't deserve it. First the death, but after the death of autumn and the cold, endless winter, a celebration of life and resurrection!

I begin pulling out grasses and rearranging the rock border, man the grass roots go on forever. I follow the root for as far as I can and it seems never to end. Finally it breaks in my hand and I leave it, knowing in a few more weeks I'll have to pull it again.

I aknowledge that though these roots may not seem to end, God's love indeed has no end. Never. Always there, always pouring it out into my heart. I am the only one that cuts it off to me, He will always give it. I will have to accept it. Is it possible to replace these burdens with love? How on earth can I let myself, my wretched self be loved by God? Even more so, knowing how much God loves me, how can I not love myself? Not a selfish love but a love of someone that God made who has a purpose and who is special. Me. I am special in the eyes of God. I am loved by God. A bud forming right there, a sign, healing is beginning.

The sun is warming my back as I work and makes my dull mommy hair shine as it hangs beside my face. Pulling more weeds I stack a rock pile of random stones.

The Son, who rose victorious, can shine an even greater light in my heart. He has conquered this life and rose victorious. He alone can heal these wounds and in the (now year and) four months since I have given them up to Him, miracles have happened. Miracles. I couldn't do in years what He has now begun.

My mind wanders as I make my way down the bed; suddenly I look at the progress I've made in such a short time. This chore last year was endless because it hadn't been done the two years prior. I guess some things get overlooked during pregnancy and with a small baby. (Just a few!) I remember how demanding this was last year both physically and time consuming. Grateful, I am amazed with how well it is going and how much better it begins to look rather quickly.

At this commencing of my journey really forgiving, really loving, really giving it all up, I am encouraged to think that as the years go by, continually laying all my burdens down the healing will continue. Each year, each week, each minute that passes means it will become easier and more wonderful to live life forgiven. Breaking the bondage. Truly knowing that life is worth the living because of the Son. The Son who shines his love on even me.

Collecting Love

2011-04-06T08:04:00.000-06:00

Packing boxes yesterday, my daughter walks in grinning ear to ear, "Here mommy! It's for you, a beautiful flower!"

Love.

She's happy to have something to give.

Her brother follows a moment later, with hands full of yellow love. Again, I can see the warm emotion, he too is happy to have something to give. Over and over, for some time, in and out. Running fast, tripping a time or two. Short legs returning over and over to give, freely, happily....truly joy-ful.

Gift Love Joy

Sparkly eyes giving love, in the form of a weed. Isn't that weed me? I can be a weed, so broken and despised but only through love am I turned around right. Used for love, me, a simple weed.

Love transforms
(Written Sunday, March 27)

We've been away, visiting family and return now, full of thanks and love.
The list from our 12 day gallivant...

158. gazing at the waning gibbous moon following the car window
159. heavy eyelids allowing sleep
160. purple mountains majesty

161. snow gleaming mountains
162. desert highlands and sagebrush
163. all living plants leaning with the wind
164. husband driving endlessly
165. dozing in the long sunshine
166. The Cricket in Times Square speeding the journey along

167. clouds blanketing mountains

168. rocks
169. The Solid Rock

170. rocks making a line of shade for ants

171. humming bird calling
172. kids going on a hummingbird hunt
173. bare feet on sun speckled cement
174. anxious smiles
175. grandma hugs
176. dim sum
177. grandma laughs
178. mercy me, the generous mr love well on repeat
179. dancing all silly with kids
180. snack breaks

181. dandelions, snugly together

182. generous smiles
183. parks
184. sun warming jeans and toes
185. flip-flops
186. thump of a baseball into it's mitt home
187. father and son playing ball
188. husbands smirk
189. leaves, speaking in the wind
190. wheels round rolling
191. strong muscles
192. cardboard boxes
193. hand cream
194. little boy, late night snuggles
195. overtired kids keeping emotions in check
196. backs, vertebrae many and one in a spine strong
197. girls swinging legs
198. unpacking, finding a place for grandma things
199. kids snuggling with grandma
200. moms grateful for children
201. moms hugging sons
202. air mattresses
203. freeways, wide and open
204. peaceful drives, kids occupied
205. brothers greeting
206. birthday parties
207. family gathering
208. children exploring the unfamiliar
209. salads with apple and tangerine
210. eucalyptus trees
211. family opening their homes
212. generosity
213. Aunts
214. fun and games
215. afternoon relaxing in gorgeous backyard
216. hummingbirds darting

217. hawks returning and leaving their nest
218. pine trees
219. an Aunt reading books to eager kids

220. uncle and husband chatting computer language
221. sister-in-laws
222. remembering how to drive in CA traffic
223. sand

224. beach rocks gathered by strong husband hands
225. each rock it's own color
226. kids racing with waves

227. little girl, hesitant at first, feeling safe in the shallow swells

228. little boy jumping and screaming with delight through the waves
229. mama eyes, watching with delight
230. Great Aunts and Uncles
231. sleep coming to small eyelids
232. city streets
233. parking meters
234. "your mom and I got married up on that rooftop"
235. seals, sprawling on jagged rocks for sleep
236. seals, awkwardly moving on sand
237. seals, gracefully swimming
238. fish tacos
239. smelling the sea breeze
240. just being together
241. dirty laundry bag (smelling like the ocean)
242. choked up good-byes
243. favorite drive up the coast
244. reconnecting
245. HOT spring cali day
246. walking in Santa Barbara
247. "this is where your dad and I met each other"
248. ice cream on the pier

249. holding hands

250. carrying the one with the tiny legs

251. little one snuggling face into my shoulder, hugging tight
252. Hugging my Gram!
253. comfort in old memories while making new ones
254. kids pulling out old favorite books for Great Gram to read 'Stop That Ball' 'The Big Red Pajama Wagon' 'Keeko'

255. Gram's smile

256. "Good morning God, this is your day. I am your child, show me your way."
257. More Aunts, Uncles and cousins - more family together
258. glass of wine, chatting with the gals
259. clam chowder
260. juicy strawberries
261. lemons

262. kids finding new games (and the willing participants)

263. cousins playing card war
264. making up
265. tire swing
266. deer staring at us, right out the window, for a very long minute
267. orange juice, fresh sqeezed
268. sunsets
269. rolling coastal hills, green from rain
270. surfers entertaining
271. tears welling, driving away
272. lips turning upward at memories
273. 14 hours in the car together
274. home in our own beds

Full thanks

2011-03-22T21:45:00.006-06:00

Motherhood is a thankless job. We are told that. I played victim to it this morning, cleaning spilled (rice) milk, a squished banana segment and crumbs of shredded wheat. The milk, still seeping through the crack in the table leaf, the thought comes: who is thankless?

If I find myself complaining about cleaning after these pudgy, clumsy fingers, I cannot be thankful for them at the same time. If I find myself feeling pity-ful then can I at the same moment be filled with gratitude for this gift of the day, the life, the Light?

Obviously not, I have to learn to choose the thanksgiving for myself. The thanks for the sunny person, attached to fingers that find cups so slippery. The thanksgiving that I am healthy enough to be the one cleaning up and that the little fingers are healing and healthy enough to be making the messes in the fist place.

They do help with a fair share around here and are always grateful when I save legos from the roaring vacuum. I used to say, "their smiles are thanks enough." Of course they are! Now my thoughts lean my heart to say - my smile of gratefulness is what is enough.

Last weeks list...
106. Rain drops pitter, patter 107. Day dreaming eyes out the window 108. Watching raindrops hit puddles on pavement 109. Patterns of circles, polka dots, created by rain drop waves 110. Listening and boy dancing to the rhythmic pounding, drip, drip drop. 111. Little boy voice sing, song, "sneaky e makes a say it's name. Sneaky e is famous!" 112. duck, duck and goose 113. Running in circles, until dizziness overcomes 114. Dizzying haze tickle fight 115. Filling up our 'heart tanks' with hugs and snuggles 116. Oven baking, extra heat escaping, warming. 117. Whole wheat, ground goodness 118. Freezers, to hold my brown bananas until I'm ready 119. Banana muffins, crumbly and sweet 120. Fingers through soft, short hair at bedtime 121. Dishwasher thumping methodically downstairs 121. Band-aids to cover the evidence of hurt 122. Giggles, while peeling off the band-aid strips 123. Taking time to watch the ducks 124. Independent boy, making himself breakfast 125. Jello, sweet, peachy, goes down easy 126. The boys, healthy, dressed, holding down the fort 127. The girls, pale, snuggling under blankets 128. Bathrobes 129. Applesauce, fruit from last years harvest 130. Robins chirping 131. Tulips faithfully pushing the hard earth away 132. Little girls big, purposeful skips 133. Feeling better 134. Warming wet, towel covered arms with firm, quick strokes 135. Brave little girl, watching stitches get snipped 136. One tiny lip quavering for only a moment 137. A smile and talking to the nurse about favorite princesses 138. A tea party to celebrate no more stitches 139. Camel's 'hump' park 140. walks with friends 141. climbing trees 142. first scraped knees and scratches telling spring is arriving 143. SPRING! 144.kids playing game after game of sequence on a Saturday afternoon 145. huckleberry pancakes 146. kids sharing memories of foraging for huckleberries last summer 147. Husband, who just knows how

Patience

2011-03-14T22:27:00.000-06:00

The other day my daughter and I were in a public restroom, she looks up at me and in a very demanding (and altogether too grown sounding) voice says, "I've told you fifty times that I want to rip the toilet paper."

I'm still a work in progress too.

The past week of entries on my list.

52. ooooohing and aaaaaahing over a baby much newer than mine.
53. Tiny baby socks, how they like to wiggle down to show off cute toes.
54. My funny kids, big brother saying, "She's so cute, I can hardly take my eyes off her." Sister says, "She is just so cute, I can hardly stand her."
55. long sister chats, laughter.
56. husband, singing over soapy pots, scrubbing
57. Six year old reading words I haven't taught him.
58. silky, smooth, gold fabric
59. the hum of a sewing machine
60. the strong, slender thread plodding away, over and over
61. Pretty new pillows to make me smile
62. God's character traits looked at with new eyes
63. Friends to hold dear and how we safely hold each other
64. Trust.
65. Purple cabbage, beautiful purple and white trimmed slivers, tangy bites
66. Carrot, citrus, cabbage, ginger juice - tastes of freshness.
67. cabbage pulp turning dishwater a soft periwinkle blue
68. husbands hands faithfully chopping onions and garlic
69. the end of last years tomato harvest simmering, melding
70. pasta sauce, spattered back splash
71. smell of pasta sauce from ceiling to floor
72. ear to ear boy grins
73. imaginations, wild west meets Dora the explorer
74. little boy staying in character - it's fun having a sheriff around

75. an especially chatty day with that sheriff/boy.
76. Sheriffs only rule, penned himself, "Your rules are you shall come to my palace if you need anything."
77. The 'sneaky letters' (silent e's)
78. pineapple, perfectly yellow, sugar sweet and golden tart.
79. my beautiful sister, knowing just what I need and getting me pretty sticky notes!
80. the calm during the storm
81. tiny body sprawled on mine, giving away stress to take on sleep.
82. Novocaine, modern emergency medicine
83. sutures holding the broken back together
84. ice cream, sprinkles and cupcakes with pink frosting
85. netflix veggie-tales marathon
86. long rests, snuggles and kisses
87. forgiveness
88. tiniest freckles on 6yo nose
89. vulnerability of friends
90. "I spy, my little eye, something yellow."
91. Colors of beautiful flowers, brightening up the days

92. recipient adoring flowers, holding them close, moving from room to room wherever she goes
93. knitting needles for flag poles

94. waffles, puffy, crunchy pockets for sticky sweet syrup
95. baptism
96. "Neither life nor death shall ever From the Lord His children sever; Unto them His grace He showeth, And their sorrows all He knoweth."
97. washing a pinky wound, praying for healing for the wounds not seen
98. spinning hair, dizzying
99. painting, mixing color after color

100. masterpiece after masterpiece, right at my kitchen table

101. boy colors of fruit - fruits of the spirit, he calls it

102. skype, kids able to read to grandparents and see smiling faces
103. healing beginning

104. using her right hand again
105. being special

Ear to ear

2011-03-12T22:12:00.001-07:00

This song popped into my head today and I've been loving humming it and bursting out in song all afternoon. Yes, life is a musical around here, it really is, move over Rodgers & Hammerstein!

I had the opportunity to visit a friend's home last weekend, whom I adore. She's just so very real and lovely and her house is adorable, she had little things everywhere that were adorable. Did you get that? Adorable, there I said it again! Some people just have that sense for home decorating that I completely lack.

It inspired me to look at my home and to put out things that would make me smile. I made a couple new throw pillows and hung up some accessories above my sewing nook.

I purchased a cheap firm bed pillow at target instead of two pillow forms (they can get pricey) I sliced it in half and sewed the unfinished ends together. It looked messy, but I don't claim to be a professional! Besides I'm making a cover to go over it so I didn't mind. It fits me, the honest messiness underneath. *grin*

Anyway, I had purchased this pillow and some red corduroy fabric last fall. The fabric looked like it had more burgundy tones in Joann's but when I got it home, next to my other pillows with green tones, it looked too Christmas-y. Discouraged, I set the fabric over my sewing chair, where it has happily lived for the last several months.

I came upon this tutorial on Tuesday and I couldn't resist. It was extremely easy and probably would take 5 minutes if you were using one piece of fabric plus a bit of cutting and ironing time. I couldn't do it that easy though since I had to go through my entire bin of fabric to find coordinating fabrics, which I wanted to use to tone down and coordinate with the red.

I think it worked out great and I do smile every time I see them.

I was thrilled to find a sewing desk last fall that was left over from a youth group yard sale and was being donated. I sold my old roll top desk, (love craigslist) that was glorified storage and never actually sat at, replaced it with this old, but still in decent shape desk. It needs to be refinished but I feared that if I sat it in the garage I'd never get to it. I LOVE having a place where my sewing machine can live, ready to work at a moments notice.

Wanting to cozy up the little sewing nook, I had already purchased a little metal dress frame that I hung up on the wall above. I found some other items to hang on the wall that too lift the edges of my mouth. Perhaps that's the trick to interior decorating that I never new. Just display things that make you smile, and you'll be alright. I have some plans for the living room and to refinish the little sewing desk...for the next day that inspiration + time + work = smiles.

A few of my favorite things...

Just so I always remember

2011-03-11T22:00:00.001-07:00

Last night while laying in bed watching my three year old drift off, opens her eyes wide, turns to me and says, "Mommy, you're special." Followed by a deep, rich smile. She doesn't even know what a blessing she is.

Still

2011-03-10T23:47:00.000-07:00

Life is not an emergency. I read those words a couple weeks ago in Ann Voskamp's book. Slow down, life is happening and in the hurried, careless motions I'm missing what it is about.

It was really nice to remember that today, in the midst of a more emergent situation. My little three year old has stitches, five of them, in her tiny pinkie finger. Really, I'm just amazed at the calmness that was over every one of us during each minute of the ordeal. An unfortunate occurrence with a door...in fact this little girl has had her fingers in doors more times than I can remember in her tiny life.

It was crazy busy in the ER, but there was a peace in our room, she even fell asleep for a time. Princess dress, is now stained red and scars have ripped into our psyches, the bravest princess she is, healing has begun. They gave her a stuffed bear and told her that she was the best patient they'd ever had. She named the bear 'honey bear' because it was yellow with a pretty heart on it.

A bit upset that they had to wrap her whole hand just for a cut on the tip of her tiniest finger (to restrict mobility) she refused to put any shirt on at bed time. Well, until brother brought his favorite Star Wars t-shirt in, way easier to maneuver onto a bandaged hand.

She's upstairs in Mommy's bed cuddling her new bear that she kissed several times before allowing her eye lids to flutter closed for the night. Thank you God for my little children and your Grace...

Again new

2011-03-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

It feels to me, that a new year starts in the month of March. Perhaps it is all the new growth and new life emerging from the dormant, death of winter. Looking back across all my years, it has forever felt this way to me, perhaps, because it is the month when I joined this world. Emerged from a warm, cozy womb to cold, beautiful world. It is my new year, the time of my first breaths, the next year I am blessed with life.

The beginning of this list began nearly a year ago, and in my meanderings, the gems of life have been appreciated, but not recorded. Now that I am reading her book I have become compelled to write things down in the little, warn, notebook in my purse. The one that has pages ripped out and pencil drawings on many pages buy my artist-of-a-three-year-old. Bits of her, sprawled down throughout the supermarket. It now records the beauty of life, the gifts I find as I live in each moment. I'm looking, and they are abundantly there, precious, amazing things.

Today in pilates class I realized that I have spent the majority of my days wishing. Wishing for things to go my way. Wishing for a different, more perfect body. Wishing for selfish, selfish things. This is the year that thanksgiving is beginning to pour over me as hot tea filling a cup. Warmth. It is amazing to feel it. My heart feels like spring on a cold winter day, full of color and life inside a cold aging body.

26. Flags, snapping in the wind.
27. The sweet smell after a warm rain.
28. Everything washed clean by the beating of rain drops.
29. Finding cloud shapes in the dusk sky.
30. A cloud that can be a tornado, a T-Rex and a woodpecker all at once.
31. Tiny, unseen droplets of water that make that cloud.
32. Slender crescent moon
33. Giggles that squeak!
34. Crisscrossed ankles.

35. Naps in the sunshine.
36. Gentle, joyful interruptions to nap time.
37. Waking to my tiniest one's joyous songs.
38. Snowflakes, big, wet and sticking to all of creation.

39. Operation Worm Rescue, by my tenderhearted boy.

40. Gentle reminding that even birthday is not about me, but opportunities to show little ones they are loved deep at any hour.
41. Pajamas under snow gear.
42. The right song playing at just the right time.
43. Warming cold fingers between my own warm palms.
44. Snuggling a chilled body with damp, stringy, locks smelling of snow and frost.
45. Watching snowflakes dance; circling, floating, falling, lifting.
46. Husband, warm, crooked smiles!
47. White-chocolate, peanut butter cheese cake. mmmmmm.
48. Birthday balloons, kids singing 'happy birthday' all the live long day!
49. Birthday wishes arriving all day, bringing smile after smile.
50. Gifts, wrapped, and cards written and colored with crayon.
51. Sun, magnified, reflecting off melting snow.

In my dreams,

2011-03-02T22:38:00.000-07:00

...I live in Greece. There are nights when I make pita bread from scratch, Adam makes gyros, tzatziki sauce the whole dining room, transforms to a villa swept by an ocean breeze. My hair has billowing curls and I wear the simplest flowing dress in pale, the palest, blue to match the sea.

At times I wish I still lived in NY, NY. The bustle and contact with people outside of the metal box of an automobile. The museums, performances, the restaurants, parks and pigeons, so much at the tips of my now typing fingers.

The memories of San Diego, they do not escape the what if game in my head. Ohhhhhhhh, the hot sand between my toes, the sweet smell of jasmine on a late night stroll, the most perfect weather all the year long. Yes, especially on a cold winter's night, I wish we still lived there.

Actually, I'm thankful for the gifts and glimmers of wonderment that my children give me right where we are. I'm thankful for my man, who's happy to cook dinner and the amazing times we have, even if we don't live in one of the top 10 most beautiful places in the world. I make sure to get sand between my toes during the summer, we do many available activities, all in all, we are perfectly here. Right here. This is the number one place in the world for me, and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

The overheard conversation that led my thoughts....

Scene: Buckling into the car after church
Gabi: (over-emphasized for effect) I wish we lived at church. I really do. I really wanna live at church.
Nathan: (with compassion) Everyone else is leaving too.
short pause
Gabi: I....I wish I married Pastor, then I could live at church.
Nathan: (slowly, with a know-it-all-attitude)You can't, he's already married to a woman, Pastor's wife.
Gabi: (whiny) But I really wanna live at church.
Mom: (can't help but chime in) Pastor's wife is Mrs. Pastor and who knows what life has instore Gabi, you're only 3.
Gabi: I'm three-and-a-half.
Mom: Yes, three-and-a-half. Yes, yes. (Far away empty sounding) maybe someday you'll marry a pastor. (Mom drives pulls out of the parking lot listening again.)
Gabi: Well, I have to marry a boy.
Nathan: (quickly) Yes, it has to be a boy, and you'll have kids.
Gabi: I'll marry you!
Nathan: No! (tentatively) I'll already be married.
Gabi: (searching) How about Joe?
Nathan: (again soft and unsure) Well......maybe......if he's not already married to someone else.
Gabi: (with confidence) He's not married, he's just a boy!

LOVE

2011-02-14T10:21:00.002-07:00

2011-01-25T21:16:00.000-07:00

I had such grand thoughts of what would get done, today.

The kiss that woke me with a smile said it's morning time mommy. It began, today. My intentions to get caught up on the work that is mine, this home, were true. What I didn't know...that's always where I get caught off guard, like I should know how this day is going to go from that first morning kiss. Who am I kidding!

I didn't know that plans, grander still, were in store for this day. The laundry and dishes are still waiting but my heart is so filled with moments of now, today, here. I saw toes and space and more kisses and hugs than the whole week before. I wandered from room to room knitting together these moments that made today. Sometimes it feels right to set aside, intentions and goals and focus intently what really hold us together.

My first completed knitting project, on it's handsome owner.

Space ship, complete with an escape pod, that actually detaches.

Watching How to Train Your Dragon for extra snuggle time at the end of the day.

My heart is full, of that feeling, you know the one you get when you look at a little baby. That's how the end of today finds me, soft, tender, radiating love.

A couple weeks ago, holding a baby for the first time. I love her face!

Twenty-Eleven

2011-01-11T23:59:00.002-07:00

This was so much fun last year , I couldn't wait to do it again this year, but I couln't find the time either! Now that we are eleven days in, I have found some visual aids to send you some wishes and thoughts for the new year.

May 2011 bring you to new heights,

grounded by reflections on the year before,

savoring each and every moment,

taking every opportunity to dance and make music,

accept even the meekest offers of help,

find togetherness,

fight the good fight,

view life

through another's eyes,

cling to the beautiful,

be yourself,

find reprieve on a hot summer's day,

rejoice in each day,

remember your purpose,

and may you have many opportunities to give to others,

especially those with hungry tummies.

May your light shine all over this whole wide world,

this year and for many, many more to come. Much love to you...

Christmas Blessings

2010-12-31T15:38:00.001-07:00

Christmas has come and gone, a new year waits just over the next sundown and I'm going over the last days, weeks and months in my foggy depths. All I can see was good; it was very, very good.

My parents are here visiting for two weeks, more than one of which has become memories. Great memories, the kind that can live on when they fly back to New York.

We only planned a couple of things (other than the big birthday celebration last weekend) intentionally keeping it low key for everyone. When they arrived at the airport it was amazing to see them. I was incredibly grateful to grab them and hug them, not before my kids ran to be scooped up by the same arms that have held me at every age, however. As soon as we arrived at home this song popped into my head and hasn't left.

It was a mildly warm July day, I stood outside, phone sandwiched between my ear and shoulder pacing around our patio table. I watched my kids playing, shrieking and running as I listened to his voice, the words seemed far away. They were almost unbelievable, I thought the tests would come back normal, but they didn't. Indeed, my dad had prostate cancer.

I don't think I fully came to grips with it for awhile, maybe not until I saw him in flesh again last week. He had cancer. The rest of the summer was filled with phone calls updating on test results, scans and procedures. Jokes about being injected with radioactive something or other the day of the bone scan and how I should look on the horizon to see if I could see him glowing from 2000 miles away.

The Dr's were positive and more importantly my Dad was positive too. Certain that they could remove it and he would be cured. My mom, I could tell even from afar, was an amazing assistant to him, supporting him. Even though she needed to have her own biopsy and lump removal in the middle of all of his tests, which, praise God, was cancer free.

One day in early fall, my dad had his cancer removed. My brother was there to be with my Mom and my kids kept me distracted. I prayed. It was what I could do; I was unable to get back there to hold his hand one more time or sing of God's faithfulness. I prayed and sang with my children. For the surgeons to work carefully and correctly, that God would let me have my dad for a bit longer. That we still had more words to say to one another, that my kids needed more memories. I prayed for comfort for all of us, whatever His will would be.

The process of healing began and the praises rang out towards the heavens and many weeks later one last phone call about one last test, the cancer is completely gone! Hallelujah! So I can sit now, between my dad and husband, crocheting on the couch and listen to them playfully taking jabs at one another and hear his footsteps on my floor. I found myself this Christmas, kneeling humbly at the foot of the manger whispering to the only innocent babe, thank you, thank you for one more Christmas.

He's always been faithful to me.

Love is...

2010-12-19T23:38:00.000-07:00

...knowing even though you might be left bowing next to the Christmas tree, you will be swooped up into a great big hug again very soon.

...a collection of growing hand prints.

...Away in a manger.

...knowing people are behind you.

...Gloria in Excelsis Deo!

"...a king was He, but no one placed a crown upon His head."

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6

Overflow

2010-12-18T00:02:00.001-07:00

When one child decides to upend a behavior, about face and totally change, what can I do? Besides pull my hair out, talk until my eyes bug out, what!?

I'm hoping it's just the excitement of the season, but my little girl, takes hours to fall asleep. It used to take her five minutes. I was used to this when my son was her age, he always took hours to get to sleep, I learned that there is no super glue safe for eyelids *wink.*

I know that there is nothing I can do to make another person fall asleep - even though she says every night that if she can sleep in my be she'll go right to sleep- ya, right. It is just really throwing me for a loop this time.

For everything there is a season, I suppose, I'm having a glass of water toasting this a short season. Yespleasethankyou! Really, I'm just glad she still climbs into bed with us early morning, it's the only time I get to snuggle her anymore.

She's so busy, she loves babies, puzzles, games and pretty much anything that is mine! Seriously, she loves making a mess, but this is not a new behavior, also grateful she can clean up after herself more. If it's not toothpaste on the walls, it's diaper cream on stuffed animals or foaming handsoap in the doll house for a bubble bath.

Then there are stickers stuck to every surface not to mention water. God help us if I leave a cup of water upstairs, it gets poured out into a teapot or other suitable or unsuitable container, for that matter, then refilled until forcibly removed. Yesterday topped them all: fabric paint on the carpet. I was so grumpy about it, but it comes out easier than diaper ointment thanks to Dawn, my trusty friend.

She is so creative and imaginative and I love and admire that. Life does come with limitations, or at least the house we live does. I believe we are above the mazimum allowable cups of water dropped on the carpet already!

Heart

2010-12-17T00:15:00.005-07:00

I need to take the babies to the store. I'll change the diaper, but you need to feed them the milk. Awwwww, don't cry, you're okay. Stop arguing right now, fine, time out. It's night, night time, sweet dreams. Morning time, time to wake up and get dressed sweeties.

I love when my children play babies, my daughter is such a tender mom, flinging a baby on each hip and changing diapers like a pro. There is a tender place in my heart for these times. I remember playing that way, now I'm the mom, how on earth!?! Seems like I could be back in the room with the burnt orange and brown shaggy carpet with a large wooden cradle stuffed to the gills with my babies.

Taking the role of Dad seriously I smile at the tenderness my son shows in only these times. Being the people person he is, he's happy to play babies if it's all his sister will do, even though he'd rather play with his super hero figures, legos or firemen. I adore him for that.

I also adore that when another little boy told him that boys don't like babies (we were cooing over a baby that was baptized) he stood his ground and said yes we do! They need a Dad too!

Interweave

2010-12-15T21:31:00.001-07:00

Some days my heart is heavy, until God picks it up. I often think of the poorest of people and how they can even smile on a day they haven't had anything to eat. My thoughts wonder if their children can bring a chuckle out of them, even if they can't bring home clean water, the way my son knows just the right time to bring in the silly.

The subject of giving came up in my Pilates class last Friday and as we begin a set of leg lifts, I mention blessing others with clean water in the third world. Immediately two women, who I adore, began talking at once, and they are not saying the words I expected to hear. My brain is trying to take in what they both are now alternating as my leg is rotating in circles. I lead another change in exercise, on to inner thighs now, I process.

First's argument is that the government will just come and undo whatever good is done upon the do-gooders departure. Second's argument is she'd rather help those in our country before helping other countries.

I am able to overcome First's perspective right away from what I have been told first hand from several different missionaries overseas. Sadly, I'm sure this has happened, but God has asked us to give. Should we really think that not giving is better than giving that is torn away. Most of what I know is that the governments allow the people to help and tolerate their presence.

Sitting up, we stretch, prayers stretching heavenward, God there are 12 other people in this class please let them not be swayed by these two opinionated, bold women. Sending my other side down onto the mat, I give simple directions, everyone knows we are repeating the same exercises, perfect opportunity for me to start talking and just as I do three other women pipe up and respectfully disagree with First's harshness.

I move on as Second still insistently says I'm going to help my own first. There is a lul, why does it have to be one or the other, I offer. Why can't it just be giving to those who are needy, regardless of the lines that mark them in somewhere or out otherwhere? I find soft smiles in a couple of quiet women. I wonder if they think I'm stuck in my ideals not really knowing that the world is a sin laden broken place. I know, which is why I hope I'm always stuck here.

I am purposed in my words, if there is such a need then who are we if we do not give. I agree, there are poorest of poor people here, where the lines tell us we one, and I love giving to our local food banks, battered women's shelters and the like. The difference I find is that our government has programs in place to aid many needy the vast majority of whom have access to clean, safe drinking water.

The third world has no programs, nobody hears the cry of the parents for their children, nobody reaches their hands out and how could they. A missionary told our church on Sunday that half of Haiti does not eat on any given day. 50%. How can I comprehend, I feed a snack loving three year old 6 times a day.

Back to stretching and reaching upward, I am reminded that Jesus said, "The poor you will always have with you." (Mark 14:7) I wonder if we will always have them so that we can always have more opportunities to be his hands and feet. More days to say, yes Jesus, I will feed and nourish your children, like you feed and nourish me.

Some days my heart is light because I give it to Him - the Great giver of joy- upon waking. Joy, the more of life I experience, the more it is revealed, only comes from one place. Joy is not revealed in how perfect our lives look, how we feel on the inside or look on the outside. Feelings, appearances, careers are all so mercurial. I imagine there is a silly boy on the other side of the world, bringing forth a smile from his mother's dry lips only because of that Joy.

A very snowy day

2010-12-01T23:18:00.000-07:00

We worked and played and played and played!

She conquered the shovel!

Fun with the sleds

Yummy!

Uh, haven't you taken enough pictures mom?

Shoveling is one of my favorite chores. Especially since it is usually accompanied by little squeals of delight from the smaller persons! Now we are all worn out! (Well, I hope they are and KNOW I am!)

A+

2010-11-28T22:05:00.001-07:00

I am currently on cloud nine from this fantastic holiday weekend. I was reminded of a quote this morning by Dr. Suess, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." I just can't stop smiling.

The couple days before Thanksgiving I prepped and made most of the dishes I was in charge of and that helped to make this one of the smoothest Thanksgivings we've hosted. The other biggie is that along with frying the turkey, my wonderful husband made the pumpkin bread pudding dessert and potato gratin dishes. He was working in the kitchen the night before while I was top stitching my reversible Thanksgiving/Christmas placemats. I wouldn't be me if I weren't doing something at the last minute *smirk*.

Thanksgiving was a wonderful day filled with friends and family, a ton of food (given) and games! The younger kids also watched a bit of a veggietales marathon as it began to get toward bedtime. Just a perfect day.

After sleeping in on Friday and eating chocolate chip pancakes, we hit a bunch of stores to get some Christmas shopping started. I've never shopped on 'black friday' and for a first experience it was very mellow. Busy. Indeed! But all we ran into was friendly people and some very good deals. Now we are almost done with shopping!

Saturday had a couple of highlights. One was the new disney movie Tangled. A bit intense at times for the three year old but all around very fun for the rest of us. My boy sat on the edge of his seat for most of it!

Then we walked around our little downtown just before dusk in a beautiful snow storm. Delightfully looking at Christmas lights and ringing the bell in front of our Capitol building.

Follow that up with a relaxing Sunday including a tryptophan nap for mom, (a weekend full of turkey will catch up to you eventually) a daughter rearranging jars of applesauce saying, "I'm shopping for winter" and a Dad allowing a son to watch parts of Empire Strikes Back, what more can one gal ask for. I am so very grateful for this fairy tale weekend!

giving hearts

2010-11-27T23:36:00.000-07:00

My kids made their Christmas lists last week and a couple of nights their bedtime conversation has turned to what they are going to 'buy' for each other for Christmas. They lay there groggily telling the other that they will buy everything they could ever dream of.

Yesterday my son got his wish, he got to pick out two Barbies for his little sister. Just what she's asking for and now he knows she'll get them. In exactly four weeks.

On our way home from the store yesterday he says, "It's really hard to keep a secret." Adam and I glance at each other and I chuckle to myself. After awhile he says, "sometimes you just HAVE to say it all out."
We all giggled a bit, his sister dazing out the window.

He didn't, he held onto that secret, so far anyway. But it reminded me of another Christmas when he wasn't able to tighten his lips at all.

Undeserved and freely given

2010-11-20T23:11:00.000-07:00

Two days ago my son says to his sister as we are driving home, "When I get to heaven, I'm gonna run and give Jesus a big long hug." To which his sister replied emphatically, "yeah, me too!" He looks to me and asks, "Mommy, isn't that gonna be great?" "Yup" I almost whisper, as I think about it, "in a very long time, when you are very old and wise it IS gonna be great."

I think about this life that we have been gifted. We can run to Jesus now too. He is waiting with his arms of grace and mercy to cloak us in.

He is here now and yet how many times do I turn away. Thinking I can do it alone like my ~~stubborn~~ strong willed three year old, or mistakenly thinking I have to do it by my own accord. How many times must I learn this very same thing? How many times must I run away before I listen to the whisper in the deepest part of my soul, "Run to me!"

He is calling us to run to Him! The enormity of His grace is constantly boggling to my mind lately. The vastness of it all, it covers the most horrid of sins when I turn to Him and yet still my broken heart sins again and again. The most wonderful thing I am learning this year is that when I stumble and turn to run towards him I see just how astronomical His love for all humanity is. Then I can find praise in the one who sets me free. I will always have this broken sinful heart on this earth, but one day in the very distant future I will be made whole and yes my son, it will be truly great!

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

This head knowledge is nothing new most Christians today, I am aware. What is new to me and showing me the enormity of this grace is trying to extend that grace to those around me. To show those I love this grace instead of irritability. When they don't deserve it. To show them compassion instead of anger. It is not easy. To freely give myself to them and love them with no strings attached. To extend to them that loving act of mercy.

I have been praying for my head knowledge to turn into heart knowledge that pours forth into my life - really applying it. So here I am like a baby nursing, I work and work and then I fall asleep, let go and let the Holy Spirit wash over and show me how to have mercy and grace. How much it must break Jesus' heart when I feel like I must try to do, do, do what HE already did. He did the work already and I bet it only breaks his heart because it causes us undo pain and tumoil. Instead of just falling asleep and cuddling into the peace of His warmth and goodness.

Three! Already?!

2010-08-14T09:01:00.000-06:00

Three years ago, we welcomed our beautiful baby girl!

Birth story: Part one, Part two

Now she how knows to do lots of things.

Watching. Learning.

Smart, witty, giggles, pony tails, baby doll, independent, cozy snuggles, busy busy, rainbows and sunshine and a heart full of love.

I'm so grateful to know and adore this little girl.

art imitates life imitates art

2010-07-30T22:20:00.000-06:00

Thinking, exhausting, trusting.

life

existence

create

love

imagine

deconstruction

humanity

joy

pain

brokenness

fulfilling

love

simple moments

joy

Thinking, wondering, believing.

I've spent a lot of time inside my head today. Truth be told, I'm not always happy with what I find there. Today's result was a bit more joyful than most. Still I was wrestling with the questions that rattle around in my brain. Most of them I'm happy to say will stay as thoughts in my crazy ol' mind!

Some of them were spent trying to come up with something I can do on a daily basis to make the world a better place. To do something daily that makes a difference to someone broken, in pain, suffering. What more can I do. Can I make a difference? Yes. I have no money to give. Can I still help? I start close.

I do this daily, I give to their tiny, gaining independence yet still SO needy persons. To them I joyfully give with all of myself so they know into the deepest corners of their souls that they are loved, they are worth it. They are special blessings.

We are all broken in some way. We are all hurting somewhere within. What can I do? I can bring my husband a cold drink as he sweats away creating in the garage. I know I can give more to him, without expecting anything in return. A pleasant smile from across the room even, a wink and smirk. So that he knows his love has affected me, embraced my every cell.

I look outward. People. Everywhere. They all need love. The homeless man in the park every morning by swimming lessons. How many people drive by him every day and ignore him. How many times have I.

Still deep in thought Nathan looks up and says, "Look at the Toy Story clouds." I look. They are perfect puffy ones. So begins my does art imitate life or does life imitate art thought stream. I remember a discussion in college. I always took the side of art imitating life. Art is created as a reflection of the artist's emotions and view of a particular situation.

It's not really an answerable argument though because why to we call a life moment 'picture perfect.' Do we really mean 'life perfect'? Well, life isn't perfect so maybe it can only be as perfect as a picture of it.

I decided that the whole debate was flawed. Art is created by life. The canvas, stage, paper, music notes, clay, all must be filled in by the artist. Life. Art is the ultimate creation and the life of the artist is shown through it. Just a small piece of perspective, a small piece of them. Life.

Visuals of life around here...

Mommy's little helper.

Now in her big girl toddler bed.

Daddy's big helper.

Reflection

Domino art: "Me and Tyler"

I see Nathan using art to help him through the loss of our dog. He was in pain near the end and the 'art therapy' must be helping, healing his heart. Learning about the permanent emptiness that death brings is hard but he's been a trooper.

A recipe for holiday tradition: Family and Love

2010-07-04T00:54:00.000-06:00

Memories of childhood sometimes come forth as if they were another lifetime. It was so long ago. My brain cannot comprehend that I am indeed the same vulnerable little girl sitting on the dried wood of an empty wire spool needing a loving hand of guidance, support, stability to help me.

Other times those memories seem just to have happened. So vivid and clear are they that they pour out of every cell of my being. Flowing from those places they come, welling up a tear and turning mouth edges upward. They lay in wait to be called out by a smell, a feeling, a holiday or a photo.

In years past the Fourth of July meant family, homemade ice cream, fun and fireworks. A day to hover with excitement, (driving my mom crazy no doubt) while ice cream was created in the kitchen. An afternoon with my grandparents, ice and rock salts ~~waiting~~ longing for the year I'd be strong enough to turn the crank all by myself.

In such a hurry we start this life to become independent. I see this trait in my two year old especially, this desire to do things all on her own. Shoving away a helping hand with determination to do it all by herself.

I feel myself doing this at times with God just as I did with my own parents. Shoving away His gentle guidance, his steadying hands and insisting that I can do it on my own. I might succeed, I might even think I did it, it was all me. Deep down I know. If I’m honest, I know it is thanks to the one who created me; He alone does any good that pours from me.

His love was demonstrated during these times. This fellowship of family and love demonstrated (however imperfectly) the love of our Creator and the relationship he wants to have with us.

The years have blended together in my memory, as if each year's movie reel is played atop the previous. In some I have only a little sister, the rest of the reels a little brother too, later on Grandma is gone but the love passes on through the generations. It stays.

I do recall a yummy mint chocolate chip (my favorite) one year and a peach ice cream another. Mostly those details are long gone the lingering feeling of embrace remains. Embraced. Loved.

Grandma with her sweater draping her shoulders, often chilled even on the warmest of days. She'd sit, content to observe the rhythms of us kids and the men and girls turning the sweet creamy goodness.

My Bobo holding the bucket still, adding leverage for the turning body. I wonder now, if we'd used that ice cream maker more often surely he'd have invented something to hold it down. Clamped it on or done something only his brain could ~~jimmy rig~~ figure out. For the holiday fun he was happy to hold it for seemingly hours while we waited for that first soft, thick, melty bite.

The conversation for several of the years was over my head but I longed to understand. Usually patriotic music was playing in the house building up in each one of us a pride for our country. The evening ended with a BBQ meal and fireworks and lightning bugs and smells of bug spray. And I can't imagine it any other way.

... ... ... ... ... ... ...

Helping make the ice cream!

Presently, the Fourth of July is about family, fun, fireworks and homemade ice cream. Celebrating the reason settlers first braved the ocean and hardships to begin colonizing here....

Mayflower Compact

In the name of God, Amen. We whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread Sovereign Lord King James, by the Grace of God of Great Britain, France and Ireland, King, Defender of the Faith, etc.

Having undertaken, for the Glory of God and advancement of the Christian Faith and Honour of our King and Country, a Voyage to plant the First Colony in the Northern Parts of Virginia, do by these presents solemnly and mutually in the presence of God and one of another, Covenant and Combine ourselves together into a Civil Body Politic, for our better ordering and preservation and furtherance of the ends aforesaid; and by virtue hereof to enact, constitute and frame such just and equal Laws, Ordinances, Acts, Constitutions and Offices, from time to time, as shall be thought most meet and convenient for the general good of the Colony, unto which we promise all due submission and obedience. In witness whereof we have hereunder subscribed our names at Cape Cod, the 11th of November, in the year of the reign of our Sovereign Lord King James, of England, France and Ireland the eighteenth, and of Scotland the fifty-fourth. Anno Domini 1620.

(The 'dread sovereign' referred to in the document used the archaic definition of dread—meaning awe and reverence (for the King), not fear.)

Waiting for fireworks!

...And a century and a half later declaring our independence with toddler like determination, thank God for John Adams and the others! We have a country because of them.

The Declaration of Independence

Happy Independence Day America!

What is your recipe for a holiday tradition? I'd love to know.

Summer Nights

2010-06-29T23:24:00.000-06:00

My friend Steph inspired me to write a quick haiku, and it was SO fun. Read through the comments, they are great!

Evening baseball.

Sunshine becoming lightning

breathe deep, a rainbow!

I LOVE the look on my son's face in this photo as he just hit the ball. A prideful smile.

Singing in the Rain

2010-06-04T00:22:00.002-06:00

I get a bit crazy when cooped up in the house with the kids for a couple days in a row, as many of us do. Why do I always find it surprising when my kids start grating on each other’s nerves (and my own) and forget that they need to get out of the house too.

One challenging day when my son was a couple months old I decided to bundle him into his baby sling, wrapped us both in my jacket, grabbed my umbrella and headed out for a walk around the block in an autumn rain. It was soothing to both of us, the fresh air and the rhythm of my steps, soon I was literally singing in the rain. Both of us entered the house with a smidge more joy in our hearts and spring in our steps.

During one of our more recent rainy days, (of which we have had quite a few, thankyouverymuch) I decided our learning for the day was to be a walk in the rain. An opportunity for us to observe nature and what happens around our neighborhood, how things compare to sunny days.

We don our jackets and umbrellas heading out into what I would call a steady drizzle. Not half way down the block the rain stopped completely which gave us a chance to observe what happens when it stops raining too! So much learning, so little time. *cheesy grin*

The novelty of the umbrellas quickly wore off so I became a pack mule of sorts sliding them through the front pocket of my hooded sweatshirt. Along with my daughter on my hip for the last stretch to home after following her brother’s example rolling down a small (very wet) hill.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

We did see some interesting things, a dead worm being devoured by ants, water dripping off tree leaves, robins hunting for worms, to name a few. A few more observations: the rain made the petals of a neighbors tree that was in blossom fall; when we (and by ‘we’ I mean the kids) walked in the extra soggy grass around the park it sounded like we were in a swamp (my son even lost a shoe - laughing hysterically - to the squishy mud); lots of birds started singing; the air smelled nice and fresh.

I forced myself to let them be kids. To explore and laugh and chase birds across a baseball field. Inside I might have cringed, (several times) especially those few steps my son took in just his sock. On the outside I managed a smile, encouraging them to experience.

My most favorite observation that my son said as we meandered along was that the rain made everything look, "more beautifuller." After saying it he corrected himself aloud, ’the colors of everything look more beautiful, I mean."

I pondered that comment for the rest of the walk and many of these rainy days since. The rain did indeed make the colors more vibrant, the birds sing louder and the grass to grow faster. It was so green; almost what I imagined the emerald city to be like. The blooms of flowers were as beacons shining their colors as never before.

I begin to wonder (the deep thinker I am *wink*) if I let the rain in my life bring out the colors more vibrantly or do I cover them with grey.

I do.

I think to myself, most of the time,

I do.

These rainy days when nothing is going my way and I just want to stay in bed or yell at the world. These are the days that make the good days look even brighter. Without the grey, the purples and reds and yellows of the world would fade.

No, I cannot always see past myself to look out of the grey rain clouds, but when I do I see that there are a thousand colors out there. In every small moment stands something shining its light brighter because of the rain. These eyes need only to glance away from the grey to find it there, vibrantly singing.

Truth.

2010-05-31T21:17:00.000-06:00

This morning as we were getting ready I was having a discussion with my son about the choices we make to be kind or hurtful. Acknowledging that we are very imperfect and cannot always do right by others, but even though a goal of perfection is indeed unattainable we still need to try in each and every situation to control ourselves and treat others with kindness.

In passing, I mention to my husband my incomplete list of family rules and a desire to hang them so we have a visual reminder of the behavior that is expected from all members of our home. Nathan sits quietly on our bed listening to this quick exchange. After a brief pause he asks, "what are the fruits of the spirit again Mommy?"

Together we answer, "Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control."

"See mommy, that can be our rules to do all these things."

Amen.

Oh boy. Oh my boy.

2010-05-27T23:39:00.001-06:00

Well Yanks, move over cause this Mama's got a new favorite team!

My son woke up thrilled this morning, "Mommy today is Thursday May 27 and it's my very first big game." We went about the busyness of the day all the while the 'big game' on our minds. It rained on and off midday the conversation turned from "I can't wait" to "I hope it won't be cancelled." Soon enough the clouds began to part allowing yellow rays to dry the earth. "I think it's going to be okay," no more worries.

My son was beyond excited, over-the-moon, he had the biggest smiles I've seen. Putting on his uniform he yelled, "I'm a Dodger!" Then carefully instructing me, "You've got to remember to cheer for me, well not just me, but my whole team. Okay mommy, promise you'll root for my whole team, the Dodgers."

"I promise." (I might have been the loudest one.)

There were moments of confusion at first, after all this was the first time many of these kids had actually played a game of baseball. It is a confidence boosting league at this age so they all get to bat each inning and a game is three innings long. If they get out they can still run the bases, they are still little tykes after all. It's coach pitched, but if they miss 3 or 4 then they can hit off the tee, so pretty relaxed.

I was very proud of my little guy, he might be small for his age but he sure packs a punch, he hit two into the outfield! One at bat he had some trouble and didn't like it when Coach Dad brought over the tee but he pushed through it.

All in all it was a fabulous evening even with three trips to the porta-potty with my two year old. Yes, three excessive trips to the most germ infested place on the planet in one hour. I am so grateful there was a potty within twenty yards! Thank you God! (Oh and please protect us from all those germs, thank you!) Hearing her little cheers for her brother, priceless!

Turning the world back a day.....

So we're all together now, it's yesterday. I'm usually pretty lenient about messes that are in bedrooms, as long as it stays there and doesn't spread to the rest of the house. A couple times a week I'll enforce a clean up or I might ask them to pick up a common item (dress up clothes, duplo blocks) if it seems out of hand. This was one of those times. I sent my son upstairs to clean up his legos. They had spread dangerously out of the corner where they are most often dumped and were oozing into the area where they become likely to damage a parental foot or heaven forbid knee at bed time.

It was one of those days where we didn't have much to do in the afternoon; I did some chores, played with my daughter, chatted with my husband and though it was taking my son awhile to clean up. I'm sure snack time will motivate him to finish up. In a fairly loud voice I call for anyone who wants a snack that has finished their chores. He pops his little head out to let me know that he is indeed cleaning but also getting distracted (his words not mine) and having trouble staying focused (again his choice of words). I decided to see just what would motivate him.

The verdict: nothing. He was so involved in Lego creation that he missed snack time, reading his favorite book, playing games, playing outside and the beginning of dinner. Dinner and hearing us pray was when I began hearing handfuls of legos clanking into the side of their bin. His creation was indeed something, and he said that he had WAY more fun picking up the legos and building with them rather than just dumping them into the bin.

I suppose this could be looked at as being inconsistent since I didn't enforce what I sent him up there to do. I did however enforce that he couldn't do anything else until his task was completed. Like I said it was an experiment, he is so slow moving and easy going about some things I just wanted to see how far it would go. Now I know, dinner. He won't go without dinner.

With full tummies we went up to admire his house and flying car. He was making some final adjustments while I snapped some shots. It seems all the booklets of directions are haphazardly strewn about as it has become much more fun to ‘build something from his very own head.’

Dear God,

I LOVE THIS BOY! His ability to make us laugh, his positivity, his hugs, snuggles and kisses. His interest in dirt and all things buggy and his willingness to dress his sisters dolls for her. His laugh is infectious, his strong will makes mine stronger and his rough boyness (while I don't always understand it) can be very protective of me and his baby sister. His smile amazing, his eyes show each sky and sun, his view and desire for learning and his personality are such a miracle. Thank you so very much for blessing our family with him. He rocks!

Yours,
Heidi

Alice Themed Apron

2010-04-15T20:40:00.000-06:00

I've had a minor obsession with aprons lately. I've made up a few different patterns since December, so when I was searching around on Google one day and found this Alice in Wonderland theme going on from Amy 's Tie One On I couldn't resist making one.

I knew I already had some white fabric in one of my fabric bins so I got to work. I haven't made an apron from a pattern yet so why start now, I did take my daughter's measurements because I thought it would be darling on her.

Here she is modeling the apron and a bit of a pouty look.

My mom recently gave me some aprons she found going through boxes that were my Grandmother's. They look hand made and the best we can figure my great aunt may have done the stitching but it's anyone's guess. They are vintage in any event so I loosely modeled my pattern after one that I thought would fit this theme.

Even though I'm sure my daughter would love pockets, I left them off because I liked the simple lines. It was my first time sewing on piping and ric rac and I love the touch of Alice blue it adds to the dress.

This was such a fun project, I can't wait to see what the next theme will be. Oh, and if you want to join in the fun, you have until May 1st to email your jpeg to Amy if you want to create an Alice apron too!

Spring Cleaning

2010-04-12T23:34:00.001-06:00

Written March 31, 2010....

Most of us know the drill. After a windy, cold, wet winter our flower beds need a bit of a face lift. Crispy dull leaves thrown around by wintry winds caught beneath their budding branches, bushes begin to show signs of new life. Tiny green leaves eventually bursting forth in the warm spring sunshine.

So too, our minds and hearts can use a de-cluttering. A time to rid our hearts of the disarray that we hold onto which keeps us unnecessarily in bondage. Allowing ourselves freedom from the burdens that are too horrible to mention but to a select few on this earth. Ours are hearts that have these places, like the bases of my bushes, the burdens and guilt can get stuck there going seemingly unnoticed. Dull, in the dreary dark we cling instead of letting them go, completely letting Jesus pay that price for us - for it all, yes, even what we dare not mention.

As I put on last year’s well worn gloves (they ripped up a fair share of sod a year ago) I note the damage and think about buying a new pair. These are my gloves; my fingers know them, each finger hugged by the worn leather. They are known. They are mine. A new pair, certainly unknown, needed none the less.

So too is life with these burdens, I've held them all so long. I know them well, I own them, and I even chose them. Letting myself be forgiven for them? I don't know for sure what life will look like if I lay them all down at the foot of the cross. Is Jesus really big enough for all that? He really did become sin, He who knew no sin, for me. For me, for this! Yes, Heidi. For this! Yes, my head knows, why will my heart not let it go? Why will my own heart not forgive?

The sun is warming my back as I work and makes my dull mommy hair shine as it hangs beside my face. Pulling more weeds I stack a rock pile of random stones.

The Son, who rose victorious, can shine an even greater light in my heart. He has conquered this life and rose victorious. He alone can heal these wounds and in the four months since I have given them up to Him, miracles have happened. Miracles. I couldn't do in years what He has now begun.

My mind wanders as I make my way down the bed; suddenly I look at the progress I've made in such a short time. This chore last year was endless because it hadn't been done the two years prior. I guess some things get overlooked during pregnancy and with a small baby. (Just a few!) I remember how demanding this was last year both physically and time consuming. Grateful, I am amazed with how well it is going and how much better it begins to look rather quickly.

At this commencing of my journey really forgiving, really loving, really giving it all up, I am encouraged to think that as the years go by, continually laying all my burdens down the healing will continue. Each year, each week, each minute that passes means it will become easier and more wonderful to live life forgiven. Breaking the bondage. Truly knowing that life is worth the living because of the Son. The Son who shines his love on even me.

****

Much of this I had as head knowledge but I had really been struggling with unbelief for the past year. The beginning of 2010 has shown a great healing and incredible belief. I am in awe of God and his perfect timing.

*****

Something I've been wanting to join in on for awhile now...

1) Jesus, my savior, whose love is never ending.

2) My husband's warm lengthy hugs, and knowing just when one is needed.

3) Kids singing, "We are the pirates, who don't do anything" in silly voices.

4) God's strength in sleepless nights with sick kids.

5) Children, oh my children how I love you both to the moon and back.

6) "Mommy, just one more thing to say." At bedtime.

7) Sewing button holes on three little girl shirts.

8) Watching a movie while sewing 9 buttons on to those little girl shirts, and tidying a Spiderman appliqué on one boy shirt.

9) A husband who cooks dinner, yummy yummy dinner.

10) Children who during Mommy's 10 minute shower turn the downstairs into a rocket ship and outer space.

11) Children scrubbing with mommy 6 walls, one cabinet, one fridge door and floor clean of their space creations.

12) Even though I tend toward more natural cleaners, today I am SO thankful for that magic eraser and that it really does remove black crayon from paint.

13) A freshly mowed lawn in time for a rainy day.

14) The sun making an appearance at the end of a rainy grey day.

15) Raindrops on my face.

16) One lonely tulip blooming, knowing his friends are not far behind.

17) Living in the time of sewing machines and self-cleaning ovens.

18) An illness beginning on the eve of a spontaneous road trip to visit family. And a road trip postponed until children are back to their healthy, bouncy selves.

19) Peanut butter and chocolate chips, eaten together, on the couch while children are asleep.

20) Another amazing and glorious day to praise our creator!

21) Wearing your dress shoes to play in mommy's flowers!

22) Juicy apples

23) Dandelions picked by little fingers just for me!

24) Husband vacuuming the entire house!

25) Little boys conquering the world!

Be still and know that I am God.

2010-04-04T00:00:00.002-06:00

Happy Easter!

A Granny and Grampy photo collage

2010-03-29T15:53:00.004-06:00

Quiet

2010-03-28T21:36:00.000-06:00

Perhaps we should have chosen to watch Sleeping Beauty instead of Up, oh, I guess I did.)

And this deep thinker who now wonders how many balloons it will take to float his Lego house.

I am hoping we are all on the mend of a head and chest thingy. I have found that when I focus on a project (like sewing) I don't notice how much my throat hurts, it's a natural analgesic I guess LOL. Then when I stop and turn to whatever my distraction might be I swallow and cringe, but really it is 90% better tonight so I'm very thankful for that.

I now must join my sleeping prince and princess....

Felt Beads

2010-03-27T21:37:00.000-06:00

When my parents were here last month we did a craft which turned natural wool into felted beads. My Mom is a very crafty knitter and has knit and felted us all slippers. When she sent us this craft for Christmas I was very excited to try it but glad with my kids ages that I had an extra pair of adult hands the first time. It turned out very enjoyable for all ages.

We began with just a few cotton ball sized puffs of dyed wool each and after wetting our hands in soapy water we rolled them into snake shapes. Then cutting those into smaller pieces, we rolled them into round bead shapes. I enjoyed my daughter's oblong shapes too! It was very interesting to feel the fibers stiffen and shrink in together as they felted.

After letting them dry, we simply strung them onto embroidery floss for necklaces but really there are many options. Older kids might enjoy using the floss to make lanyard type necklaces around the beads. Very Fun!

Images in mind

2010-03-15T21:23:00.001-06:00

A line from my 5 year olds prayer this evening....

"God bless the people in Haiti. God bless Turkey and Chile."

...had us all cracking up at bedtime with images of
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.
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But really God could you please bless those still struggling in

Turkey and Chile and everywhere covering this earth of your creation. Thank you, Amen.

The Best

2010-03-14T19:00:00.001-06:00

Blue.berry

2010-03-13T21:39:00.001-07:00

I must admit that I am feeling a bit blue lately. In the last week my daughter has sprained her ankle, my husband was laid off from his job and my daughter (who did not inherit her clumsiness from me *ahem*) badly bruised her nose. Keeping up with a big brother is a hard job.

The last week has also brought fun times with extended family, many hugs, a potty training baby (yes she's still my baby!) and a timely bible study amongst many other blessings.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I know that whatever this world may bring, whatever troubles and hardships, whatever battles I have no fear for God has already won the most important one of all. He has provided salvation to all who will believe in his son Jesus who has indeed overcome this world.

I am also so grateful for my husband. That I needn't go through trials alone. He is with me arm in arm and he is my rock the one I can turn to for support and guidance. His blind faith is inspiring and amazing. He has truly not faltered, his faith unwavering and glorifying God. He is my inspiration and I'm so glad he's mine! **big grin**

Hope

2010-03-09T12:21:00.000-07:00

Themes

2010-02-25T23:31:00.000-07:00

I've been noticing many themes running through my life lately. One of which I mentioned the other day life's tiny miracles. Just incase I was about to forget to notice the miracles this song was in the Olympic opening ceremonies and I can't forget, I am clinging to these miraculous blessings each and every day.

I've loved Sarah McLachain since college and as her music has shifted and changed over the years it has in ways paralleled many changes in my own life. She is someone I'd love to have a few good conversations with over coffee.
Love the Olympics, the energy, the camaraderie, the inspiration, the cheering for our country, and so much more…including extra snuggles.

During the opening ceremonies (wide awake boy and tired mommy)

Mens figure skating with Granny

Speed skating and ski jumping with Grampy

Daddy is the most comfy seat in the house!

Forgiven

2010-02-24T23:27:00.000-07:00

Growing up I was always very confused about lent. Ok, so we give something up for lent. Candy? Mouthing off to our parents? Meat on Fridays? Lying? Yelling? Alcohol? So what? Then six weeks later we just go back to living the same life we were living before. It never made any sense to me whatsoever. I gave up giving up for Lent in all of my adult life.

Today I read How a Lent that Fails Actually Succeeds at Holy Experience and now I understand. How this preparation time proves that we cannot do it at all, for any length of time on our own.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 8-10 NIV

Forgiven by Sanctus Real

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I am reminded of the wrong that I have said and done
And that devil just won’t let me forget

In this life I know what I’ve been
But here in Your arms I know what I am
I’m forgiven I’m forgiven
I don’t have to carry the weight of who
I’ve been ’cause I’m forgiven

And my mistakes are running through my mind
And I relive my days in the middle of the night
And I struggle with my pain
And wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone and I cry

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘Cause ….

In this life I know what I’ve been
But here in Your arms I know what I am
I’m forgiven I’m forgiven
I don’t have to carry the weight of who
I’ve been ’cause I’m forgiven

Five year old wisdom

2010-02-24T19:03:00.001-07:00

Stated through frustrating tears, "I don't want ever be a grown up, I want to be a kid forever because we get to play with toys."

Bossily to his baby sis, "No. The fireman's name is not Julia ooooorr Julianna. His name is Jake-Anakin-bododo."

Sweetly to me, "Mommy I love you, your hug makes me forget my bad dream."

I love you my sweet, sweet five year old.

Life is a Highway

2010-02-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Groggily we drove my husband to the airport at 5:20 this morning; it was my second early morning airport run of the week. My parents spent last week visiting and left early Sunday. Not only are we all still going through Granny and Grampy withdrawals, now Daddy is off until Thursday or Friday.

After spending a good chunk of time at the library we headed to Wal-Mart for some retail therapy. Half way through the parking lot with a chilling wind at our faces my son suddenly blurts out, "Save money. Live better. Wal-Mart."

Ah, yeah. Perhaps the TV is on a bit more than normal this week due to the Olympics. However, I can't recall seeing a Wally world commercial myself and putting this thought aside there is the fact that we mostly tape it and fast forward through the commercials, I have no excuses.

After finding the few essentials on my list we pause for a look at the fabric isle because when my husband is gone I cannot stop eating chocolate or biting my nails. Ok, so you might not think a cute little hawaiian print bathing suit is an essential. How about one with Lego batman guys? No more necessary? Ah, well as my son said, "After winter is done, we can buy a pool and use them right?"

Anyway, back to the fabric aisle. My five year old meets a boy taller than him and seemingly the same age. Immediately they become superhero enemies complete with pseudo kicks and many details of their powers. Next they are both 'good guys' milling about the metal cabinets.

All the while his mom and I peruse through the fabrics giving the boys a few knowing glances as they stray too far pushing our boundaries. Sharing encouraging nods and words with each other about how boys might as well be aliens because they are, at times, beyond the realms of a Moms understanding.

I find a cute little print and one to coordinate with it and I debate. Not really debate, more of a millisecond pause before I continue my purchase. I'll find something to do with it and my husband won’t notice the extra yard and a half of fabric surely it will fit in the two bins of fabric I already own right? I've got the sewing machine out and ready to go so I am motivated.

While we meander through the rest of the store I think about my husband who is in my favorite American city, well ok, he is sitting in JFK airport waiting for his connecting flight, but still he's there. In my town, I'm a bit envious until I am awoken by my daughter standing up in the cart almost tipping over the side. Sternly and quietly I tell her to remain seated and sheepishly she smiles at me. I'm suddenly grateful that we are not with my husband awaiting our third flight of the day even if he is headed to Boston, only to be there for the shortest of times before heading back to us, the long way.

On our drive home I contemplate how much freer life will be when he arrives back home with our new to us car. We've been living the single car lifestyle for just shy of a year and a half. I'm not used to having a car around to just pick up and go unless I've dropped him at work. Suddenly it occurs to me, yesterday was the last time I'll have to drive him and pick him up.

A level of spontaneity will return that has been lost for awhile. Not that it was all bad having just the one vehicle. We got to spend a bit of time together in the mornings and evenings talking, singing even sleeping. We were all together. Now we’ll make up that time together at home and I won’t get to blame a late dinner on traffic anymore. Maybe I’ll even use that extra 45 minutes to finish all my sewing projects *GRIN* instead of driving.

Earthquakes

2010-02-13T22:30:00.002-07:00

A local learning center that we love has an event every second Saturday of the month and the kids and I usually try to go after dropping Adam at work. They always have a theme and this month's was earthquakes.

I've talked to my son a bit about what happened just over a month ago and we've prayed for the people in Haiti quite often but some of these hands on learning activities really gave me a much deeper understanding of what happens in the earth.

First experiment. Seeing how the damp ground changes when shaken. Our building began to fall after my son shook the earth. It was a very clear illustration of how easy it was for buildings to fall due to eathquake liquefaction.

There were many other fun demonstrations but the favorite was one that made a tsunami.

We made a sea shore and placed a people to see where they would stay safe.

Creating a wave with the plastic lid we watched the erosion. They stayed safe for only so long until...

...they went for a swim.

Very effective learning for all of us and a ton of fun. The most fun is always the hike afterward and today was no exception. I always wish for my real camera (not my phone) when we are here but never think to bring it, or bring it but never on the hike because it's big and clunky. So pardon the picture quality...

One hour of excited energy burned off! Granny and Grampy are arriving soon! One of us will be going to the airport at midnight to get them :) Kids are beside themselves excited, me too. :)

A Brain Glitch

2010-02-10T10:42:00.000-07:00

If you ever say to yourself after filing your taxes, "Oh I'm not going to print it out this year because it's always here on the computer if I need it." Do NOT listen to yourself, do it anyway. Print it and put it in the box with all the others, k?

This will save you (and your loving spouse) hours of time on hold with the IRS and waiting for them to fax it to you in the event that your trusty computer decides it has had enough of this life and goes to a better place…

Tiny Miracles

2010-02-08T23:45:00.000-07:00

Do you ever look back over your day to find them there? Maybe your week, as mine, seemed unending. Perhaps you, like me, were overwhelmed by some of life's craziness. Yet, remembering these moments of desperation, still I find those miracles snuggled in the inbetween that kept me going.

All the big life stuff can be going haywire but under close examination the seemingly small stuff is a nicely sewn seam connecting moment to moment, day to day and our lives together.

The only catch, I have to remember to look, lest these miraculous moments be whisked away from my memory, leaving only the stress and none of the beauty the day held. The treasures lie in these small daily miracles. I hope you see them too.

Feeling the love

2010-02-02T21:31:00.000-07:00

This morning Beth from Her Majesty's Throne showered me with a little bit of bloggy love by giving me this award! Thanks! :-)

Now, I'm supposed to:

1) Put the logo within my blog or on my post

2) Pass the award onto 12 fellow bloggers

3) Link the nominees within my post

4) Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog

5) Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.

*****

My picks have a few similar themes tonight and you all inspire and enourage me! Thanks!

Amy @ Never a Dull Moment

Crunchy Christian Mom @ A Homegrown Life

Abra @ When Baby Sleeps

Tesa @ A Homegrown Life

Mary @ Random Thoughts

Amy @ Amy's Random Thoughts

Linds @ Rocking Chair Reflections

Blackeyedsue @ For Better or For Worse

Stephanie @ Adventures in the 100 acre wood

Wendy @ Showered with Grace

Karen @ Lilies of the Field

Tulip Girl @ Tulip Girl

Many Hugs!

2010-02-01T10:51:00.001-07:00

To the person who came to my blog from typing "Huge Prego Belly" into google. I thank you for the chuckle.

Prayer List

2010-01-31T14:22:00.000-07:00

Here are just a few precious people who need our prayers.

Little Anna Grace

Heather (Her brain surgury is tomorrow Feb 1st. Prayers for her husband and daughter too.)

Kelli

Colleen

The Wilson Family (little Josiah has been in heaven for a week now.)

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:14-16 NIV)

Dance Training at its Best

2010-01-30T21:47:00.185-07:00

As I washed her paint crusted hands in warm soapy water this afternoon my daughter succumbed to a nice long yawn followed by a deep breath. I know she's still getting over a cough and could use a nap but I haven't successfully accomplished such a thing in this house yet this year.

Now scrubbing a glittered glob off the counter I hear another nice long yawn from the one who is right underfoot. I was just about to declare quiet time anyway so I see if I can help her to sleep.

My kids always need my help for naps, or else that of a car seat in motion. Up we go. Guiding her brother into his room to his box of spilled tiny legos, their domain already spread over a third of the room. "Find something to do that's quiet, sitting and playing with legos or reading books." The look on both of our faces as he smirks and says, "yes, mommy" reveals that similar words are uttered every day at this time.

Sitting down in my baby's room, I grab my book and get her settled in to nurse. As I open up my book I pause to dig through the corners of my brain forcing my memory to remember the last time we successfully sat here. When was the last time we did this and she gave into sweet repose. I honestly can't find it. I didn't burn it into my memory, sometime after Thanksgiving, I think. Well before Christmas.

Letting go of the memories of the many attempts since that last unknown nap, I look at her. She lets go looking up, "which sizes" she says and smiles, "pleasssse." Holding on to the word while dancing her legs as I obligingly switch her long body around. I smile at her encouraging softly and gently for her to close her eyes. She relaxes and almost goes but returns to fight a bit more.

She sheds a few tears before she settles back in as I hum Silent Night. She hums it with me for the first verse the edges of her mouth turned up in a smile, eyes closed. When I begin the second verse I am unaccompanied and I slow down a bit as I hear her breathing slow. By the end of the third verse, she is far off in her mind, sleep has over taken. I slowly and carefully stand up as I have hundreds of times before with both my children.

I chuckle to myself as I turn to her crib. You'd think after nearly five and a half years at this mommy thing I would look into the crib before I had the sleeping baby (or toddler as the case is today) in my arms. Blankets strewn haphazardly along with a doll and stuffed bear. Nowhere without bumps or wrinkles for a sleeping toddler to snuggle in.

Grateful that at least this time the crib side was lowered I walk close to the crib and angle my body slightly. Taking a second to get my balance as I have before, I lift my right leg behind and to the side in a grand rond de jambe motion eventually into the crib. Delicate, controlled, smooth. No sudden or jerking movements keeping nice and fluid so as not to wake sleeping beauty. My socked foot scoots the blankets and toys down making a place for my baby. Once again steadying myself, I circle my leg from the front up and out of the crib while still holding tight my precious one.

Gently covered with a Nana blanket I grab my book and leave her room, looking back for a moment at her peaceful face and lowered eyelids.

I may not be using my "talent" or my degree according to some. Some might think I gave up on a dream or on myself. Me. I know the truth is much more than that. I use it every day. A tap rhythm on the dining room floor has a hard time going unnoticed by even the most stubborn child. As babies they would giggle as I pirouetted. I sometimes think it is unusual how everything in life just overlaps. I’m not sure why I find it unusual, it’s my life so past joins present.

Being Mom has been a natural fit for me. Not without trial and learning curves and hard work and striving for unattainable perfection. Heidi and Mommy overlap at this place and it is safe to say I use my training on a daily basis and for the best purpose ever. This audience is so sweet, they paint me flowers and always demand an encore!

A Ray

2010-01-26T21:52:00.018-07:00

January usually finds me aching for the outside air in my lungs and warm sunshine on my face turning my heart from grey to bright. With weather forecasts like much of the rest of the northern states (overcast and windy, chance of rain, chance of snow/rain mix and partly cloudy) it's no wonder.

This year my daughter's personality is blooming from baby and toddler to Miss Totally Independent and she is our very own glimpse of sunshine. A single ray of all that is happiness, tea, princesses, baby dolls, spinning, giggles, skipping and every abiding love.

"Mommy, give me a big squeeze" she'll say "me miss you so much today." Drinking in every last drop of the liquid gold squeezie hugs I push the questioning thought out of my head, 'when did you have time to miss me? When I was in the shower?'

She's won the heart of many a bigger girl at church, even on New Year's Eve some of them played with her until midnight bless their hearts. A few days ago little girl at the park (my son's age) latched onto her and kept trying to get her to go down the tunnel slide. (My little sunshine doesn't particularly like the tunnel slide yet.) This little girl was offering everything she could think of, "I'll push you in the swings/ you can sit on my lap..." but my little girl wasn't swayed by the pressure of this big girl. Not to mention her big brother (who was slightly perturbed that the girl wasn't playing with him) used this as his opportunity to defend his smaller and younger sunbeam as well as join into the playing.

This journey of life for my daughter is still new and I pray that she holds onto this gift. It is easy to let life snuff out the daylight and I hope that God will foster this gift in her and she will hold onto it. This gift of putting people at ease, holding them close and shining love on them. It is something I treasure about her daily and am grateful for her heart that is so much bigger than she.

Encore, encore. One of her favorite things to say as we are getting ready to go is, "Me never get cold. No, me not need gloves, me never get cold." Perhaps, it is true.

The honesty of it, straight to my heart

2010-01-25T21:30:00.004-07:00

This morning on our way home from the gym my five year old decided to have a really horrible attitude. It began as soon as he got into the truck and worsened with each fastening seatbelt. Each click making the doom and gloom inescapable.

One sad choice followed by another sad action followed by lots of sad words. I did what I could; before I even pulled out of the parking lot he had lost his water and toy. That's when the hurtful words began. "I don't have you guys in my heart anymore." God please give me wisdom. I never know what to do when he says this; nothing I am doing is working please help.

I have told him before that my love can never be taken away from him, it is a forever. My love. I’ve said always, 'I will always love you. I will always love you.' Still he is fickle with his words about love.

In the car stopped at a light, unsure of what to do (Please God give me wisdom) I tell him his words are hurtful to both me and his sister. His sister then generously hands him a batman that she's playing with exclaiming, "Me give Nathan Batman, me nice, me nice, me share." She is obviously more forgiving than I. Perhaps trying to stay on my good side.

Nathan then replies, "Gabi you are back in my heart." Love isn't something earned or purchased with gifts. Some giggles begin and I was about to let the whole thing go as I accelerated the car to the speed limit eager to get home, out of my sweaty clothes and showered. Thankful for deoderant.

More sad words and his consequence is handing over batman to me. Please God give me wisdom, I'm not being an effective parent and I can feel it. You have to give me the wisdom; I can't find it on my own.

Batman snuggled in my purse I hear his voice begin timid growing more intense with each word, "Mommy, you are not in my heart and I do NOT love you AND I want to go live with another family."

Really. I pause (for a long time I pause) eventually to calmly reply, almost comatose, "You hurt my feelings and I'm not going to be able to talk right now." Can the light turn green so we can make the next few turns and be home already?

Wisdom Lord, where is the wisdom, please, I am begging. He starts to talk and I actually tune him out. I turn into the driveway and pull into the garage.

Can I leave him buckled in his car seat until he has a change of heart? As I get out of the driver's door, I open my daughter's door greeting her with a cheerful smile. Unclicking and hugging her as I turn to my much loved son politely saying, "I will give you five minutes here, and then if your heart is grateful and happy and loving I will unbuckle you." Guess there is a perk that his car seat is difficult to unbuckle after all.

I shut the door not wanting to hear any response. Because I love him. Because God loves him and created him to be a special little boy. Because he cannot treat the woman who's done everything for him for nearly five and a half years this way, I am a great Mom.

Soap bubbles scrub tiny fingers (though not so tiny as they once were) and then long fingers. "Dry, dry, dry" we sing. Peanut butter and raspberry jam is smeared on the last few slices of bread. Triangles are his favorite. Sitting my daughter on a stool, I place two triangles in front of her and two in front of the empty stool next to her. We pray. I kiss her head telling her mommy will be right back.

It is time; I have to do this right. I am a fabulous Mom, he is a fabulous boy. God please let me say the words that will mean something to him please let me speak to his heart. Feet reluctantly stepping back out to the garage and around to his side of the truck. Deep breath, fighting back welling tears.

I open his door, look him in the eye, it's no use fighting and a lone tear slowly slides down my cheek. "Hi. Are you ready to be grateful and happy?"

He looks at me and looking away again responds with a defeated, "yes."

Again finding his eyes I say delicately, "You told me you didn't love me" –pause- "and that hurt my feelings and makes me sad." Tears are racing down now and my eyes close for a second to try to compose myself. A cold little hand touches my left cheek and then another on my right. My eyes open and we hug repairing the hurt between us.

-unclick-unclick-

"Your words have power and meaning. Words can hurt. Words should not be chosen for hurting but for loving. I love you and I love the special place you have in our family. You are a special boy and God gave you to our family. We love you very much and thank God for you."

"I love you Mommy."

A sparkle came back to his eyes that I hadn't seen in awhile so I continued, "You are a gift from God and I do my best (so far from perfect) but I don't think I've been telling you lately how special you are to me and what a special place you have in my heart. In this family, you are the one who keeps us laughing and playing, you are the one who makes us belly laugh and smile and you are the one who loves, giggles, cries, teaches, yells and sings. You are special to me."

I don't remember much of the rest of the conversation as we headed back into the house. I used to be a yeller, get angry and use my emotions and words as a sword but now, with God to help me maybe I can breath, talk, remain calm, shed a tear and maybe, just maybe break the cycle of anger. Because my kids, they deserve to be lifted up.

Words can be like little pins poking just under the surface of our skin. Where our self-confidence meets our insecurities they travel, each letter of every word reaching further in threatening our very heart.

The world hurts us, thicker skin, remember for next time, and don’t let those letters in so deep. Don't feel so much pain, don't let them past this part, make it tougher. It is easy to become hardened by the world sometimes by those in the world closest to us. They are the ones we hurt the most because we know just where to send those pointy words, just where to shoot the letters to get in.

I'm hoping that God can make my skin softer for my family. A thick skin toward the world and its harsh opinions can be a good thing, but for my family I am asking to be softer, gentler keeping strong as mother, wife and woman. Softer and open so I can feel the effects of both my words and those of the ones I love. All the way into my heart.

John 8:7

2010-01-24T12:27:00.002-07:00

John 8:7
This morning, between my Turkey and my little Goose.

Setting: Turkey and Goose both running upstairs arguing and talking over one another. (you did, did not, yes did, nuh uhhh, did too, mommy, mommyyyyy) they enter my bed room.

Turkey: Mommy, Goose keeps hitting me on the hand

Goose: You hit MY hand

Turkey: No I didn't, I pinched you.

Home Learning

2010-01-20T22:17:00.000-07:00

My son made the cutoff for kindergarten this year by nine days. For many reasons Adam and I decided that official kindergarten wasn't going to start until next September. The biggest reasons are that he would be one of the youngest in his class and we want him to be 18 when he graduates not when he's already on his way into a dorm room.

I thought this would be a good opportunity for us to try our hand at homeschooling. I like everything about schooling my kids. Still I find myself very intrigued by the idea of unschooling but I'm not a fan of that term because to some it sounds the same as not schooling or not learning. (Even though that is not the case.)

Last August I picked a couple of curriculum books that work on both pre-reading and pre-writing skills as well as a set of pattern blocks.I did get all excited at first and schedule out a curriculum of what we were to do on which day (generally three days a week) and had success with that but now we seem to just find things that he is interested in and take those on as they come. We make sure to do letter sounds and sight words often and math with legos and just try to make it fun for all of us, two year old included.

So far so good. It's possible that my son is just making this easy for me because he's very eager to read and is a motivated learner at the moment. He does it on his own for the most part. Yesterday, he really read to me, really reading the words! He loves playing with his calculator and enjoys finding numbers that he can add up to make the same number. Like 4+5 and 8+1.

It's funny because I notice most of the learning happening not from anything I'm doing or teaching but mostly from his initiation. All I do is provide an environment that encourages learning and attempts to make it fun.

There are a lot of teachers in my family and I know that a public school education is good, even great. I turned out decent and everything! If we choose not to go this route for our children we are by no means saying it is not good. We are making choices based on our family and individual child’s needs as their parents. I like to see his motivation, determination and even frustration. Scratch that, I LOVE it!

Is it going to be more work? Yes. Am I sacrificing me time while my kids are at school? Possibly. Are my kids going to have gaps in their education? Probably, there certainly are in my own. Am I going to regret it? Absolutely not!

We may not make the decision to homeschool every year and we plan to keep our options open to what the future may hold. Honestly, I'm not going to miss the lack of me time. In 16 or so years I'll have more of that than I want!

No longer will I say that we are sort of homeschooling or just trying it out, we are on this ship and ready for the next adventure.

word play, bird stay

2010-01-19T21:46:00.001-07:00

My son loves rhymes, and I do mean LOVES, like hugs. He has loved them for a long time now, yes, go ahead and take a bow. Finding words that rhyme, (really it is just sublime) real or silly is quite fun. Yup, a ton of fun. Usually I'm all on board, but first you must put down that sword. I love fun, a ton. Rhyming is fun, yeah like playing in the sun. Therefore I love rhymes. (I even eat limes.) Easy peasy.

The day came he said a rhyme that took the fun and made it done. He latched on to comm*e mommy. It happened one day a month or so ago and now he cannot let it go. I need to let it go today it's not a word I like to say. I didn't make a big deal back then, I thought with a blink it would be gone, had no idea it would stay so long. Once in awhile popping out of my tiny child’s mouth.

He's lucky that his Mommy's sadness never turned to full blown madness.....or maybe this is proof that it has!

Pardon my silliness. :D

The rhyme irks me just under the point of fighting the battle. You know, and then it becomes another word that is BIG in his mind. Like stupid and damn are words he'll get attention for. I plan to just see where it goes, surely it will get dropped in a blink.

It's so hard to fight every battle as a parent. Knowing which ones are the big ones and which ones we can pick and choose through are hard. Knowing what is just a phase and what is here to stay is a challenge. Not to mention (the most important part) being consistent in the battle, using each day as an opportunity to re-teach, re-speak and re-love our children.

I’m loved, he’s loved and I’m trying to be consistent where it matters.

Lost and Found

2010-01-15T00:21:00.002-07:00

There is a rumor going around that it's delurking week in blogland so if you are stopping by take a second to leave a comment to let me know you were here. K? Pretty please?

In the past week I have cleaned out both our car and my purse. My random findings include...

• Adam's tie clip (missing > 1 year)
• lip gloss tube (lost last February)
• Enough change to fill a yogurt cup more than halfway (sticky, crumb covered and now rinsed in my strainer.)
• marker caps
• wads of stickers
• 6 matchbox cars vehicles (Mr. 5yearoldknowitall says several are not cars, one's an SUV even)
• Many miniature firemen accompanied by Spiderman, wolverine and batman figures. (quite a defense arsenal)
• a Wal-Mart sized bag of random receipts, old artwork, and trash
• a diaper pin

Have you found anything that's been missing lately? Care to share?

I sat down to write silly, but my heart wasn't in it.

2010-01-13T00:44:00.002-07:00

My heart is aching for the people of Haiti.

This is not something that began with the news of today, though it does. My heart has ached for Haiti ever since I found out the average Haitian eats 3-4 meals a week. I ate that many meals today.

They now suffer a catastrophe, a huge catastrophe. Already poor, already hungry and now incredible grief.

It is impossible for us to see through God's eyes. He sees all those people, he knows them all down to the number of hairs on their heads, and now more than ever, he holds them up. May he squeeze the people of Haiti even tighter today, helping them come together in rescue efforts, giving them guidance, direction, aid, strength and the knowledge that while we sit and feel helpless to do for them, we do what we can, we will pray.

Music in life

2010-01-11T23:59:00.001-07:00

If you still are in doubt that one person can change the outlook of many take a look at Josh Wilson singing during massive delays at Newark airport last week.

My kids got a kick out of it because they sing Hey Jude around the piano with their dad...hmmm...one of these day's I'll figure out how to convert our videos... not today though. Interesting to see everyone all bummed at the beginning and many people more relaxed and smiling as he went on.

Is there a quote about a pebble? Where it is thrown into a pond and the effect of the ripples extends vastly beyond the size of the small pebble. Or am I making this up? The hardest part, is actually picking up the pebble.

I tell my kids (because they occasionaly tire of my singing) that singing makes people happy and we all want Mommy to be happy right? This just further solidifies my opinion that life needs to be a bit more like a musical.

Sunday

2010-01-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

You may have heard this before, but I just heard it this past Wednesday at a bible study I've been going to since September. I searched a bit, found many different versions, but could not find anyone to give credit to.

A little boy approaches a pastor and politely says “Excuse me, sir?" To which the pastor replied, "Yes?" Then bent down to the boys level on one knee. "You said everyone should have Jesus in their hearts, right?" The boy asked, uncomfortably playing with his untucked shirt.

"That's right, son." The pastor replied "Does He live in your heart?"

"Well, I'd like Him to," the boy said, nervously. "But I keep thinking Jesus is a big tall man and I'm so little, He's just too big – He's just gonna stick out all over!"

On to the second week of 2010 (anyone else writing '010) we go, one day at a time. Taking the time each day to let Jesus out of us to touch one another, something simple, something that shows we care, we've been there or a simple prayer.
It's possible I've been reading too much Dr. Seuss this year already. :) Really, Jesus is too big to stay captive in our hearts, lets let him burst out of us this year and shine His blessings.

We've been staged!

2010-01-05T23:29:00.004-07:00

A friend of ours became a certified interior designer and home stager last year. While her business is new, her artful talent screams years of experience and her sweetness really brings truth to her business name, Graceful Designs. Check out her portfolio on the link, and if you are local she is fantastic!
Here are a few before and after shots of what she conquered in our home! Becky was so willing to dive into this room, this isn't even the real before shot, my Christmas tree was still up and she was incredible about rolling up her sleeves and helping me out - totally above and beyond, thank you!

So, living room before...

Living room after...

Dining room before...

Dining room after...

Kitchen before...

Kitchen after...

Family room before...

Family room after...

Master bath before...

Master bath after...

What a blessing this has been for us, I'm sure it will show off our home better to perspective buyers! My work is not yet done, I have one room to tackle diligently this week especially, but that is another long post! Thanks Becky, we have been blessed by you and your talent!

Photo credits: Becky Wilson, Graceful Designs

As Random as a MacGyver Style Stethoscope

2010-01-04T22:21:00.001-07:00

So how's twenty-ten starting for you? Good?Great?Happy?Blah?Busy?Boring? Boring.....I wonder if I remember that feeling.

So far so good here. I generally don't do resolutions but this year I'd like to exercise more, (original, yeah, I know!) read more for myself and not nag so much. I'll take it one day at a time, grateful that each day is a chance to start anew, being the mom/wife/teacher/homemaker/daughter/sister/woman that I want to be.

This morning I took my first step-aerobics class in ages and you and your next belly laugh wish there was a video camera in there. I was SO off, turning the wrong way, even tripping over my step a couple times. It was fun but more so funny, made me grateful that I have a sense of humor about myself. Checking off an extra hour of exercise after which my Pilates class (who made fun of my beet red face) felt very good.

We eased into school this afternoon. I figured writing 'thank you' and 'love, Nathan' a bunch of times was a good way for my son to learn the importance of thanking loved ones for gifts as well as a lesson in handwriting. It was just the right amount of time for both of our attention spans, while my baby colored on the stool next to him. (Take that to mean both she sat on the stool coloring and she colored on the stool.)

Our next craft I had seen in a magazine and wanted to see if it would really work. We took a paper towel tube, wrapped it in aluminum foil, added some stickers for fun and held it to each other's chests. Sure enough it worked; it was much fainter that the real thing but you could most definitely hear the beat. Then we were to run in place for one minute and observe the difference. Really fun! If we ever need a stethoscope in a pinch, MacGyver style (I know I'm totally dating myself here) now we've got that in reserve!

Another random note: We've found the Three Cousins Detective Club series by Elsbeth Campbell Murphy and they are a hit! I've been reading them every day, my son really loves to be read to, and they are fun. Neither one of us wants to stop reading until they've solved their case! Along with another series we found at the library, Nate the Great, we may never make it off the couch this winter!
It is true READING IS FUN!

More about our current schooling choices to follow shortly.

Our wishes to you for 2010

2009-12-30T21:51:00.000-07:00

May you give what you can take,

spend some time in the dirt,

do something silly-it might make someone smile,

take time to smell the flowers,

smile, even in the rain,

make some really great friends,

be yourself,

try - even when it seems impossible,

ask for help when you get stuck,

stay warm and cozy,

and may your cup overflow with blessings!!

Have a very happy, healthy and stupendous New Year!

A Girlie Apron

2009-12-28T22:34:00.000-07:00

One of the gifts I made for Christmas this year was an apron. It was my first attempt at sewing without a pattern and if I were getting graded, it shows it's imperfections. I was encouraged though because when I looked more closely at many professionally sewn items they all had imperfections so I know I am not the only imperfect gal at a sewing machine! Here are the steps I took to make this one...
First, I took out a few of my own aprons, compared, measured, changed and adjusted. Allowing for a 1/2 inch seam allowance I drew my finished pattern on parchment paper, which is holding up quite well(I'm making a couple more) and aligning it on the fold of my main fabric I cut.

I then cut a matching (but much shorter) piece for the facing out of the contrasting fabric as I couldn't figure out another way to make a sort of sweet-heart neck line. I'm sure someone else has a much better (ahem, correct) way to make a sweetheart neckline, (please share!) this is just how I was able to finagle it.

Next I made all the ties, again from the contrasting fabric. I decided on a two inch thick tie for around the neck and 1/2 inch for the two around the waist then allowed for seam allowances and cut. I folded them in half right sides together and stiched and turned them right side out. Finishing the short edges was done by pinking them and folding them in about 1/2 inch, pressing and straight stitching.

Finally, it was time to put it all together. I placed the main apron piece and the facing right sides together. Next, placed the two neck ties inbetween the apron and facing piece at their appropriate places and pinned. Did the same thing for the waist ties. Stitched around the edges and pressed and clipped seams and turned it right side out.

I just wanted a slight gather on the ruffle so I cut a length of the contrasting fabric one and a half the width of the apron. I finished the bottom by turning it up twice, pressing and stitching. Then basted (is that how you spell the past tense of baste?) and gathered, matching the centers of the fabric to be sure it was even, pin right sides together and sew! I pressed the seam open, cut with my pinking shears close to the seam and called it a finished edge.

The sides were finished the same as the bottom all the way so that the ruffle was even with the apron body. I added some finishing touches like topstitching along the neckline, reinforcing the waist ties on the right side, adding a pocket and voila an apron!

It really was a fun adventure with my sewing machine! I will most likely not make another with the 'fake' sweatheart neckline until I find out how to ~~without pulling my hair out~~ do it the right way. The rest was a fun way to involve a bit of myself in a gift for someone special. I'm planning another for my husband when he bbq's, without the ruffle of course!

All Tucked In

2009-12-25T21:45:00.000-07:00

I just tucked in my kids on what was the most wonderful Christmas. The baby (I can still call my two year old baby right?) passed out quickly. The sounds from Nathan's room still indicate the excitement and wonder winding down from the day.

Last night he says to me as we are putting out (rice) milk and cookies for santa (carrots and apple for the reindeer), "Mommy, santa is just the best but not really because I know that God is the really best." I couldn't have said it better.

Some photo memories of the last 24 hours...

Imagination

2009-12-19T20:31:00.000-07:00

"It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see." - Henry David Thoreau

"You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.” - Mark Twain

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. " - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

This last week has been crazy and I admit that I have been busier than normal. This week I want to witness these moments again and encourage them because imagination is where these kids learn. In their imagination is where they are figuring out how this crazy life works and where it will take them.

Making Memories

2009-12-13T23:05:00.001-07:00

I'm just gonna flat out say it, this time of year I especially miss my Mom, Dad, Sister and Bro and their families. They live 2000 miles east of me and I miss them.

Christmas time is still amazingly fun and joyous even when you are missing people, Jesus is after all the very best gift! One of the things I do when I'm missing them is think of memories like making gingerbread houses and singing happy birthday to Jesus and making rolls and my Dad stoking the fire and my Mom baking and a gazillion Nutcracker performances! My memories are enough to cheer my heart!

Plus dare my heart shed a quiet tear for the past and no sooner do my present and future come running towards me bearing sunshine!

Just a few that have been captured on film, uh, I guess I mean on disk.

From Rags to Curlies!

2009-12-12T22:31:00.000-07:00

The other night (while taking a small break from all my projects) I took the time tie my little girl's hair in rag rollers. I have been looking for uses for some old t-shirts and remembered this one.

She sat brushing her teeth and playing in the sink every once in awhile saying lovingly, 'Mommy, you made these, for me, ponytails!" She was so excited while we were doing it not even realizing that it wasn't the finished result!
A few ended up coming untied during the night but I think she was pleased with the results even still.

In Case You're Looking

2009-12-05T14:49:00.001-07:00

If you need me for the next couple weeks, I can be found behind my sewing machine or stumped trying to make up a pattern for something much more advance than my sewing abilities. I'm having fun and I need the pressure of a deadline for more motivation, so here I go to sit and figure and play and create.
I will not be able to share all of what I'm up to yet out here where everyone can see it, I'll keep those it in the closet of my mind for now. I can share a few things though.

So far, I have made some gift bags from scraps of fabric, remnants, and an old t-shirt. Thanks to Make it From Scratch for the link to make these super easy and cute gift bags. It is a pretty good project for a beginning seamstress and many can be made in a fairly short time.
I also made one out of an old green t-shirt. I didn't take it's photo but I just sliced it off under the arm pits and sewed those straight edges together to make the bottom of the gift bag. The finished bottom edges of the shirt became the top of the bag and for this one I sewed velcro onto the open end I figured it would be fun for some of them to still make noise when they opened!

I also made this little throw pillow for my daughter. I want to redecorate in her room and have fabric for a valance that coordinates with this fun one. So it's turning out to be a sewing Christmas around here. Also on the to make list, a baby doll blanket or two and a jedi cloak. Then, if time allows, some doll clothes out of some old clothes my Mom sent from when we were kids.

More Love

2009-11-29T21:25:00.002-07:00

You know how sometimes there's a theme that keeps happening over and over in your life. Well apparently that's going on here because today's sermon was on loving one another. And God is really driving the nail in here...

This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another. Do not be like Cain, who belonged to the evil one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his own actions were evil and his brother's were righteous. Do not be surprised, my brothers, if the world hates you. 1 John 3:11-13

I know that we are saved not by works but by grace in faith and I feel that God is leading me towards something that I haven't quite figured out yet. I truly do care about people and it is wonderful to have such an amazing teacher to show me how to love even if I'll never be perfect at it.

Ring The Bells

Ring the Bells, ring the bells.
Let the whole world know Christ was born in Bethlehem many years ago.

Born to die that man might live, came to earth new life to give,
Born of Mary, born so low many years ago.

God the Father gave His Son, Gave His own Beloved One
To this wicked, sinful earth to bring man kind His love new birth

Ring the bells, ring the bells,
Let the whole world know Christ the Savior lives today
As He did so long ago!

Thanksgiving Memories

2009-11-28T09:13:00.001-07:00

Speaking of people I love my Gram has a special place in my heart. She has been visiting my Aunt and is able to see photos of my kids via the web so I'm posting some photos of our Thanksgiving highlights. It's really terrible because I should be sending her more photos but here they all sit, on this computer...
Starting the holiday memories with tradition and our family holiday rolls. Recipe from my great grandmother and "the bowl."

The dough got, "so big!"

First we roll (which takes great concentration)

or a bit of squishing

Traditions says the cinnamon sugar must reach the elbows *wink*

You want me to give these to you after I roll them in this yummy stuff, ha, good luck with that!

Rolling their own pie crusts

Happy Thanksgiving!

I finally finished sewing the little jumper dress she's wearing, not that I got a great photo of it but she was so happy to get to wear it, and I was too!

2009-11-26T23:48:00.013-07:00

There are twelve more minutes left of Thanksgiving and I can't sleep. This is extremely rare for me as usually I'm asleep leaning on my husband on the couch or at the very least as soon as my cheek sinks into the pillow.

Today was fabulous and even though I miss my family I'm thankful for my friends. I'm thankful for the gift of having people to love.

"Love one another, even as I have loved you." Jesus said these words. He did not say 'love your family' or 'love the people you like' or 'love the things people do or have.' He said LOVE ONE ANOTHER. This love he speaks of is sadly so foreign to our culture, isn't it just year ago that a poor man was trampled to death so that people could buy stuff? This is not love, at least not a love for people, it is a love for stuff. It's just stuff, loving the people in our life is the thing that brings us the most reward, the most happiness and the most fulfillment. Even though or I guess in spite of this love, as sinners, people have caused others (even loved ones) great pain.

1 Peter 4:8 says, "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins." Amen to that, I have been hurt by those I love many times sometimes it is hard but I'll always love them. I'm certain I have hurt those I care most about too, I'm a sinner just the same I can try not to hurt them but I, like you am a fallen, imperfect person.

I began thinking about the word fervent, intense passion, with great zeal, hot and fiery are some of it's definitions paraphrased. What does fervent love look like? What does it mean to love our spouses and our kids fervently? Compassion, a willingness to serve them, even discipline. We still discipline those we love, because we love. What does it feel like to keep fervent in our love for our family and friends? Do they feel that love? What does it sound like to show intense feelings of love to a total stranger? How does his love act? Does it mean an encouraging smile to a mom with a tantrum crazed toddler or just being pleasant to those around you even if they are not.

This brings me to my next long passage, Romans 12:9-21 Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Now that today is done and another today has begun sleep is beginning to fog my thoughts. I bid sweet dreams and pray that God will teach me this love and implant it into the hearts of my children and all of the world, especially through the upcoming Christmas season. Will You please open my eyes to ways that I can show this love to those closest to me as well as those I've never met. Please forgive me for the times I haven't been loving to others and please keep giving me opportunities to show Your love. I thank you Lord for people to love.

The Best

2009-11-18T08:15:00.005-07:00

This morning my son was the first kid into our bed. You would think that since I was able to hum my two year old back to sleep in her own bed at 4:30 I would have slept better. Usually by then I'll just bring her in with us. Not true, I couldn't fall back to sleep for an hour, at least.

Needless to say I was still a bit comatose when my son climbed into bed but he knew just what to say to wake me up on the right side of the bed.

"Mommy, you give me the best kisses, they go straight to my heart."

Maybe a Cork?

2009-11-14T21:45:00.003-07:00

This afternoon my son was working on a jig saw puzzle when he asked for a snack. Knowing that he would feel much better about his progress if he finished the few pieces left of the edge, I encouraged him to find the missing pieces and then he could take a break.

Somewhat mumbling he says, "but that's gonna take all the smarts out of my brain."

I think I know how he feels!

Stupendous Snippets of an Afternoon

2009-11-12T22:19:00.005-07:00

This afternoon after baking some scrumptious oatmeal chocolate chip cookies we bundled up and headed to the park. After swinging and playing a short while we walked our very cold fingers back home.

One of the houses on the park has several bird feeders and my daughter would call to the dozens of birds in their yard. She called and motioned for them to come and land on her hand. Visions of Cinderella singing 'A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes'came to me. The birds making her bed and all, we might need to watch that one soon.

When we arrived home (and after another cookie) my son and I were playing cars, I asked why his car went further than mine. His reply, "because it's allergic to big people!"

I was approached while making dinner, "Mommy what does batteries not included mean?" (No the tv was not on at the time.)

Play-doh is theraputic for a two year old even if the container says 3+! She made her brother and I some 'food' while I was getting dinner put together and her brother says, "Goose, this is stupendous. . . . Mommy, whats stupendous mean?" Keeps saying it over and over. I wonder if part of it's allure is that it begins a lot like another forbidden "s" word.

A conversation that as I hand recorded (my wits were not about me to grab the video camera) I over cooked the green beans for dinner but who really cared- not me! These are kids after my own heart for sure!
Son: (acting as a waiter)what would you like to eat?
Daughter: Chocolate.
S: First you have to eat your lunch, what would you like?
D: Chocolate!
S: No you have to eat something healthy first like pizza, hamburgers, or pasta.
D: Pizza please
S: (after becoming the chef and cooking the fastest pizza in the west) Here ya go.
D: Nanks
S: Eat the brocolli all gone.
D: yummy
S: Ok now what do you like?
D: Chocolate!
S: Do you want anything on top like sprinkles or whipped cream or ice cream or all of it.
D: Laa of it!
S: Ok here ya go, I ate it all but saved you one tiny piece.

Rewind

2009-11-08T18:30:00.000-07:00

After a splendid Sunday my kids sit now at the counter eating cereal and bananas for dinner.

We've just had a bit of a dance off, not quite as comical as Bill Cosby and 'Sandman' Sims (remember that, "challenge!") but my son kept at it saying, "Mommy, can you do this?" At first he seemed surprised that I could and then he became impressed and then really competitive. "Well, how about this" doing some jump into a spin, jumping out and landing directly on his knees. Ah, not with these ol' knees, even on carpet, but give me a pair of knee pads and I'll barely keep up!

Right before this the kids were outside enjoying the spectacular that Autumn has to offer on sunny days. My son steps inside to say, "The baseball is stuck up on the roof, but it's not going down into any guts.......(10 seconds pass)....What are you laughing at? It's not even a joke or anything!"

During "quiet" time my daughter who is fighting naps lately sung and put about six babies and bears to sleep singing to various songs to them and then woke them up saying, "all fall down!" Yes, I use the word quiet time loosely!

Previously we took our dog Tyler for a walk. I chatted with my Dad, my son climbed trees while my daughter rolled down a small hill. All thoroughly enjoying what the day had to offer.

We dropped Daddy at work after a morning full of church and wonderful worship.

Now the kids are showering and then we'll go pick up Adam, get kids to bed and enjoy some time together. I have a feeling he's going to make me guacamole for my dinner - yup serious health kick and organized meal planning needed around here!

Life is such an amazing blessing!

Full Relationships

2009-11-06T20:41:00.007-07:00

I've recently been convicted about something. I've been terrible at sending birthday gifts, cards and general well wishes. I still haven't sent my Mom, Dad or sister their birthday cards or gifts from July and August.(I know, GASP!)

Part of it is that it's hard to pick out gifts(we have only one car), get to the post office (expensive to send) and how many other excuses - for people that live across the country. But they are not just people, they are MY people.

This video shows a school teacher, Mr. Stroup, who writes to all of the students he's ever taught on their birthdays. All 2,500 of them, every year! It is so sweet and encouraging.

I'm sure that my family would have appreciated even a hand written letter on lined paper. I know they appreciated that I called and emailed and facebooked them all to acknowledge their day. My family all tell me it's okay because I'm busy with my life and my kids. While it might be okay, my life is NOT about me and I'm not outwardly showing that to those closest to me. I desire for them to know that even though I'm busy, I took time out especially and just for them. Because YOU are that special to me!

John, chapter 4 tells of Jesus and the woman at the well. I never really got what others I knew so deeply loved about this passage. Living water, yes, that is very important. The thing that hit me this past week however was that Jesus spoke to a Samaritan woman. You might think, big deal. Yes, big deal! Not only was she a Samaritan, but a woman, and an outcast or at least not very well liked by the others. She had to come get her water in the heat of the day when no one else would be there. She had five husbands and was living with another man, she was a sinner, in a big way!

He was all about relationships and He always had time for others, even in his own weariness. No matter how noble or humble their lives were, He cared for them. He didn't miss an opportunity because He was too tired from His journey, He made no excuse or complaint. He loves every one of us and I believe he wants us to have a life full of the relationships of those around us. He wants us to care and love one another as He loves us.

I know that no matter how hard any of us tries we'll never be perfect at loving others like Jesus was in his life on earth nor as he loves us still. We are not capable of the perfect love of God, yet another reason we need His Son! Does this then mean that we shouldn't try, just because we won't be perfect. Of course not, the reward is the fulfilling lifelong relationships with those we love. Reaching out to them not to show perfection or out of obligation but desiring them enough to do something small to let them know just how big they are to our hearts.

Spiderman Saves the Monkey Princess!!

2009-10-31T13:15:00.014-06:00

But first, let's go back to last night. While Mom busily cooked an amazing meatloaf with spinach and biscuits,

the baby painted a beautiful pumpkin.

Across the dining room, the big brother pointed out where his Dad should carve out his pumpkin.

All had a blast!

Including the Daddy who carved his own masterpiece!

This morning, the Butterfly family awoke to some most unusual happenings. First, The Big Brother had a mark on his hand that looked like some kind of bite, he also showed signs of unusual strength by carrying his sister around. The Baby Sister only wanted to eat bananas all morning long, not really so unusual but she was also climbing the counters (still fairly normal) and her ears seemed a bit larger.

Pretty soon, "shazam" things were really out of control. This "friendly neighborhood Spiderman" showed up to save some sort of Monkey Princess.

The Mama just figured she better help out, so together they found the Monkey Princess. But she couldn't find her bananas, and she was very hungry.

Spidey quickly retrieved a bunch of very ripe yellow and slightly brown bananas with his super fast webs. Then he remembered, "ooops" Monkey Princesses only eat very special bananas with no brown, only gold and yellow sparkles.

Quickly three glittery bananas were located and Spiderman saved the day for one little cutie. Reunited with her banana, the Monkey Princess spoke a very happy "oo-ooo-aha-ha-aa-aa" and they all lived happily ever after.

The End.

Behind the scenes: Spidey is one funny and silly little guy! He tells me that he doesn't like to hurt anyone, but bad guys have to get to the police. So he helps the fight grime. He also wanted everyone to see the face beneath the mask! Yikes!

Just one more...

2009-10-09T20:05:00.005-06:00

Since March I've been reading a photo workshop book called Photographing Children given to me by my fabulous sister. Applying the things I've learned has made a vast improvement in my photos. My husband has a knack and a raw talent for photography, he really enjoys it and he's good at it. For me it wasn't so natural and I was having trouble figuring out what I wanted from our family photos. I was also frustrated that we could both use the same camera but my pictures never looked as good as his.

This year it was easier for me to communicate what I wanted. Even though we were not all dressed (coordinated at all) for family photos the ones we took turned out cute and these ones of the kids on the stool are priceless. I finally was able to convey to Adam that I wanted the background out of focus, and he easily did it where it still takes me a minute. I'm slowly learning how to take the photos that I desire.

I just happened to turn the stool backwards when we were just about done and I like it better than most of the ones of their front. Even though it seems like most of the photo is of the bars of the stool, to me it brings the focus to their faces, not their clothes. We were also fighting clouds vs direct sun so without having any excess equipment we did our best. Again I'm using the term 'we' lightly, I really must say thank you to my wonderful husband for being patient with me and truly amazing. He really rocks! It will only take him a minute to photoshop the people in the background out, I'm still a snail at that stuff!

No more pouting about bad photos...

Second Fave!

2009-10-08T19:25:00.000-06:00

I know, it's not a typical family photo and when we took it I didn't think I'd like it at all, usually I like the kids to be more prominent. After looking over the more posed pictures I really like that the kids are in the background being natural.

Some silly ones toward the end of our marathon, I don't think the camera wanted to focus anymore by this point!

Wondering What this says about me!

2009-10-07T16:00:00.005-06:00

Out of 653 photos my husband took of all of us yesterday, this one could just very well be my favorite.

Something about fall says 'family photos' and after two parks and a ton of casual cute photos this one speaks to me. Maybe I'm just a backwards gal! We did get TONS of cute ones of the kids, SEVERAL out of focus, MANY pouting faces but this is my FAVORITE family shot.

I'll share my second favorite tomorrow :!)

My Knight In Shining Armor

2009-09-19T19:45:00.003-06:00

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints. Ephesians 6:10-18

Whine and Brine

2009-09-15T20:48:00.001-06:00

I've done a quick batch of garlic-dill pickle spears. As far as canning goes, it was an easy job, in about an hour they were in bein processed. We'll find out what they taste like in six weeks or so.

I need to put some pictures up here it's not like me to go this long without photos! Today there was a whine fest over here, we all were a bit tired and crabby. I'm grateful tomorrow is a new day, a clean slate to be the Mom I want to be.

Sunday

2009-09-13T20:18:00.004-06:00

This is what the LORD says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. Jeremiah 17:5

A wonderful, busy Sunday is winding down and I am counting my blessings. I had the opportunity to be a blessing to others today. I am endlessly tired this week. I'm contemplating things (intentional vagueness) and I'm focused all too much on me and not enough on GOD! I am SO very grateful for my husband, that he understands me and cares for me and is so willing to help me. Enough about me! :-) I'm smiling today on the outside and in.

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Brown Sugar and pickles

2009-09-11T21:15:00.004-06:00

No, even I did crave anything quite that weird when I was pregnant. I'm not now either but it was a title that connected the two random things I'm writing about tonight.

I am considering making a batch of garlic dill pickle spears tomorrow or Sunday afternoon depending on my cucumber yield and a friends. I've never done pickles before but there's always a first time... I will be keeping you posted as to how it goes.

Something I've been doing over the last year or so is making my own brown sugar. It's so easy and it has saved me a trip to the store many times. It's molasses and white sugar, that's all it is. 1 Tablespoon molasses to one cup sugar (use more molasses if you like yours darker) mix together in a bowl using the back of a spoon or fork to get out all the lumps. Easy and done before you could get your car out of the driveway.

I think we are doing fairly well with the grocery challenge. The only thing non canning related I've purchased since the grocery trip on the first have been rubber gloves (for me an essential for dishes) and laundry detergent an bananas. I know I have made laundry soap before many times but I am only one person and I'm at about my max level now! I've decided not to count the $34 of canning jars, lids, pectin and peaches in my total for the month. This doesn't seem logical since we did spend the money this month but we will be eating the batches of jam and jars of peaches all year so for the purposes of this month I've opted to not count them in my total spending. The savings of canning tomatoes and jams will save us twice as much as I spent (easily) throughout the year so I'm ok with this investment.

We did go out to eat once more bringing our total to $50 for two meals out! Yikes I'm not feeling really good about that. Today though I would call a big success. We went to an event called Art in the Park. It is the big fundraiser for our local art museum, lots of artisans and food vendors. We left there at 5:30pm - very temping to go out. Instead we drove home and ate leftovers and it was all well and good!

I'm going to have to give an exact amount on my spending when I can get downstairs for my receipt. Currently, I'm tired and leaning toward the bed - night!

The alarm is set and I'm in bed!

2009-09-09T21:16:00.003-06:00

What alarm you ask? Oh THE most frugal one one the planet, it's not going to call the emergency crews, nor will it wake the neighbors with it's shrieking sounds, but it will not let an intruder out at least not without them getting into a heap of a mess.

Pretty much anyone who would dare to enter my house tonight would find a few 'Home Alone' type encounters.

For example my kids have pretty much trashed the place over the last two days while I've been canning peaches and batch after batch of jam. So if the intruder didn't first trip over a shopping cart or a couple baby dolls they would most likely slip on a tiny car. After the ride into the kitchen they would be stuck to the sticky peachy goo the the dog didn't even lick up and be trapped like spiderman's webbing. Forget about the laundry snairs. Giving us ample time - and warning of his presence.

I'm giddy and tired and my feet are like jello. Pasta and pesto and peaches for dinner, hopefully pesto counts as a veggie lol!

How Deep The Father's Love For Us

2009-09-06T23:38:00.005-06:00

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He would give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross
My guilt upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no powr's, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Words and Music by Stuart Townend

Click here to hear

Oh The Blessings!

2009-09-05T20:33:00.001-06:00

Alternately titled, Random happenings in our crazy house (mostly in the kitchen)in the last 24 hours!

Last night I made a new recipe I found for chocolate chip cookies, mmm. I needed chocolate chip cookies to get through today!

This morning is when things got busy, it was my first canning day of the season, usually I've canned something by now, not this year though. I have frozen a bunch of stuff, corn, pesto, and two batches or roasted tomato and garlic pasta sauce. So, some of the garden is put up. The list that follows, is not complete, merely things I jotted down throughout the day once I realized I was in a marathon!

Woken by my daughter's soft cry for 'milk please' (it's her cup o'joe) at 6:45am. Opened my eyes to my five year old's return gaze at 7:05am. Actually got out of bed at 7:50 after pestering everyone to be quiet so I could get just ten more blessed minutes of sleep.

Granola (from Mary's book) with yogurt for breakfast, prepared Adam's lunch, got him out the door and made a batch of grape jelly all processed and done by 9:30am.

Everyone dressed for a long walk/bike ride to the park followed by a long swing and park play. Home by 11:20.

My son spread almond butter and jam on tortillas for us for lunch while I started getting stuff ready to make my next batch of raspberry/peach jam. Meanwhile after lunch, the kids played campout in the baby crib and with train tracks and served me crazy smoothies they made in their kitchen. All processed and done my 1:35pm

Ahhhhh, quiet time. My baby nurses to sleep for her second real nap all week, praise God! My son has some Grandma story time (Babar) while I process a batch of tomatoes. Baby awakes at 3:15pm

Prepared and processed a batch of peach jam while the kids watched Prima Princessa presents the Nutcracker! And finally poured out the canning water at 4:50pm.

After the movie the kids chalk painted on the back patio for nearly an hour. My daughter figured out that the chalk gets really pretty when you dip it in the dog's water dish so they had a blast and were entertained while I cleaned the kitchen and prepared dinner.

Threw a peach crisp together with the leftover peeled peaches and prepared dinner. A quick chicken salad with leftover chicken tenders, chopped with an apple, celery, grated carrot, some mayo and salt and pepper. Sliced a mango and carrot sticks and pulled out the leftover Asian Noodle Salad (yup Mary's book again!)from dinner last night and viola dinner was on the table by 6pm.

All dinnered and full of crisp we sang and danced while Adam played the piano a bit and then we opened a box my son has been waiting since his birthday for. Caterpillars! He sat and observed them for quite some time, concerned that they weren't moving, then the big one moved it's head! Yippeeeee! Now we could go upstairs, get washed and ready for bed. There's a Wocket in my Pocket. Prayers. Bed. 8pm. Done!

Heading down to spend some QT with my man and then a shower and my pillow sounds great! The chalk foot/paw print, peach stickiness covered kitchen floor can wait until tomorrow!